Olympic GPT Diving

Will · July 29

Inspired by @ZettelDistraction, I've developed my own Custom Note Critic GPT, which I'll share if you are interested. He focuses more on the formatting of the note, and I've made mine a writing tutor, pointing out areas where I can be more concise and more engaging and explain my ideas with confidence and clarity.

@ZettelDistraction said,

I would like to see this. In the spirit of the Paris Olympics, we could have a "GPT-off" to compare GPT output, Zettel by Zettel.

Here ya go! There is no guarantee that once you see this, you won't puke.

OpenAI's ChatGPT custom GPT
https://chatgpt.com/g/g-ThlwS5xvP-brutally-honest-zettel-critic
GitHub
woodenzen/Brutally-Honest-Zettel-Critic-GPT at Will's-Branch

I'll have to run the same note through both GPTs and compare the results. This could be a big project.

Will · July 29

Olympic GPT Diving - Ruth/Arron

I've run a note on the Ruth-Aaron Pair of Consecutive Whole Numbers to see the difference between the two GPTs. It is all compacted below. I found a big difference in the word count of the response, which seems like a simple tweak. The Zettel Assistant was more forgiving of the idea formation and structure, while the Zettel Critic didn't seem to care about note formatting.

What do you think? Please pitch in with comments, anyone.

The Ruth-Aaron Pair of Consecutive Whole Numbers

UUID: ›[[202402242055]]
cdate: 02-24-2024 08:56 PM
tags: #math

The Ruth-Aaron Pair of Consecutive Whole Numbers

Subatomic: Sports history, mathematics, and rarity intersect, revealing connections between unique numerical properties and the universe's structure.

Beauty

“The home run record Babe Ruth set in 1935 is 714. On April 8, 1974, Hank Aaron broke that record, hitting his 715th off of Al Downing of the Dodgers. The product of 714 and 715 is equal to the product of the first seven prime numbers: 714 × 715 = 2 × 3 × 5 × 7 × 11 × 13 × 17 = 510510. And, the sum of the prime factors of 714 equals the sum of the prime factors of 715: 714 = 2 × 3 × 7 × 17; 715 = 5 × 11 × 13; 2 + 3 + 7 + 17 = 5 + 11 + 13 = 29. A pair of consecutive whole numbers with these properties is quite rare. There are only 26 such pairs up to 20,000. This one is the Ruth-Aaron pair. Just like prime numbers, they are more rare as the numbers get larger. And 5 and 6 are the smallest pair.

714 × 715 = 2 × 3 × 5 × 7 × 11 × 13 × 17 = 510510
715: 714 = 2 × 3 × 7 × 17; 715 = 5 × 11 × 13; 2 + 3 + 7 + 17 = 5 + 11 + 13 = 29

Ogawa, Yoko and Snyder, Stephen and Campbell, Cassandra. The housekeeper and the professor. 2013.

And now for the Zettel Assistant's Dive
394 wc

ZCA version 2024.05.04.10

Evaluation of Single Focus

Focus Assessment

The Zettel presents a specific mathematical concept: the Ruth-Aaron pair of consecutive whole numbers, which are numbers whose sum of prime factors is equal, and whose product matches the product of the first few prime numbers. The example of Babe Ruth’s and Hank Aaron’s home run records (714 and 715) is used to illustrate this concept.

Main Body

Topic Definition: The Zettel focuses on the Ruth-Aaron pair, specifically highlighting the numbers 714 and 715, their prime factorization, and the rarity of such pairs.
Supportive Examples: The example of Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron's records effectively contextualizes the mathematical concept.
Mathematical Details: Detailed prime factorization and the explanation of sums and products reinforce the focus on the unique properties of these number pairs.

Critique Points

Clarity and Focus:
- The primary focus is well-defined: the Ruth-Aaron pair and its mathematical properties.
- The introduction of sports history adds context but does not detract from the central mathematical concept.
Content Structure:
- The main idea is presented clearly, and the supportive details are directly relevant.
- The example of the prime factors and their sums is clearly illustrated.
Extraneous Elements:
- The initial sentence mentioning "Subatomic: Sports history, mathematics, and rarity intersect" may be seen as a bit abstract and could be more focused on the main topic from the outset.
- If the intention is to connect broader themes (sports, rarity, and universe structure), this needs to be more tightly integrated with the main focus on the Ruth-Aaron pair.

Recommendations for Improvement

Refine Introduction:
- Simplify the introductory sentence to focus more immediately on the Ruth-Aaron pair. For example: "The Ruth-Aaron pair of consecutive whole numbers highlights a fascinating intersection between sports history and mathematics."
Ensure Focus Consistency:
- While the historical context of Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron adds interest, ensure all references tie directly back to the mathematical concept.
SEE ALSO Section:
- Add a SEE ALSO section for thematic exploration within the Zettelkasten.
- Include title-only WikiLinks to related Zettels or additional mathematical concepts that complement the discussion of the Ruth-Aaron pair.

Conclusion

The Zettel maintains a strong single focus on the Ruth-Aaron pair's mathematical properties, supported by an engaging historical example. With minor adjustments to streamline the introduction and ensure the central theme remains prominent, the Zettel will fully adhere to Zettelkasten principles for Single-focus Zettels.

And now for the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic's dive.
721 wc

Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT, Version 2024.07.24b

This note is a clunky attempt at intertwining sports history with mathematics, and it lacks the sharp focus needed to drive home the fascinating rarity of Ruth-Aaron pairs. The initial setup about Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron is engaging but gets bogged down in unnecessary details. The explanation of the mathematical significance is lost in a sea of numbers that need better context and clarity. This note needs to cut out the fluff, tighten the focus, and make the math part as engaging as the sports history part.

Ideas Expressed in the Note

Historical context of Babe Ruth's and Hank Aaron's home run records.
The mathematical concept of Ruth-Aaron pairs.
The rarity and properties of these pairs.
A specific example involving the numbers 714 and 715.

Clarity and Conciseness

Issue: The note is cluttered with redundant explanations and numbers.
Action: Streamline the explanation by focusing on the key mathematical properties and historical context.
Example: "The Ruth-Aaron pair of 714 and 715 is notable for the rare property where the sum of the prime factors of each number is equal."

Structure

Issue: The structure is disjointed, making it hard to follow.
Action: Organize the note into clear sections: Introduction, Historical Context, Mathematical Explanation, and Conclusion.
Example:
1. Introduction: Briefly introduce the concept of Ruth-Aaron pairs.
2. Historical Context: Summarize the home run records of Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron.
3. Mathematical Explanation: Detail the prime factor properties of 714 and 715.
4. Conclusion: Highlight the rarity and significance of these pairs.

Redundancy

Issue: Repeating numbers and factors without clear structure.
Action: Consolidate the numerical details into a single, coherent explanation.
Example: "714 (2 × 3 × 7 × 17) and 715 (5 × 11 × 13) both have prime factors that sum to 29, making them a Ruth-Aaron pair."

Tone

Issue: The tone shifts from casual to overly technical.
Action: Maintain an engaging yet informative tone throughout.
Example: "Did you know that Babe Ruth’s and Hank Aaron’s legendary home run records are linked by a fascinating mathematical property? This unique intersection is known as the Ruth-Aaron pair."

Engagement

Issue: The note lacks a compelling narrative to tie the historical and mathematical parts together.
Action: Use a storytelling approach to make the connection between sports and math more engaging.
Example: "Imagine the thrill of Hank Aaron breaking Babe Ruth’s record. Little did fans know, this moment was also a perfect illustration of a rare mathematical phenomenon."

Suggested Refinements

Refine Historical Context: Keep the historical details concise and directly relevant to the Ruth-Aaron pair.
Simplify Mathematical Explanation: Make the mathematical properties easier to understand with clear, straightforward language.
Enhance Narrative Flow: Connect the historical and mathematical parts with a smooth narrative transition.

Atomization Suggestions

Create a separate note on the history of Ruth and Aaron's records.
Develop a new note focusing solely on the mathematical properties of Ruth-Aaron pairs.
Write a dedicated note exploring other examples of Ruth-Aaron pairs and their significance.

Addressing Cliches

Cliche: "Intersects with the universe's structure."
Suggestion: "Reveals the hidden connections within our world."

Twists and Perspectives

Suggestion: Explore how the concept of Ruth-Aaron pairs could apply to other fields, like cryptography or computer science.

Developing Sentences

Weak: "The home run record Babe Ruth set in 1935 is 714."
Strong: "In 1935, Babe Ruth set a home run record of 714, a number that would later reveal a hidden mathematical gem."

Vagueness

Issue: "A pair of consecutive whole numbers with these properties is quite rare."
Action: Provide specific statistics or examples to clarify.
Example: "Only 26 Ruth-Aaron pairs exist below 20,000, making them exceptionally rare in the realm of numbers."

Step-by-Step Improvement Plan
1. Clarify Focus: Center the note on the unique mathematical properties of the Ruth-Aaron pair.
2. Organize Structure: Follow a clear outline to present historical context, mathematical details, and significance.
3. Remove Redundancy: Eliminate repetitive details to enhance clarity and conciseness.
4. Enhance Engagement: Use a narrative approach to connect the historical and mathematical aspects seamlessly.
5. Maintain Consistent Tone: Ensure the tone remains engaging and informative throughout the note.

By tightening the focus and cleaning up the structure, this note can transform from a jumbled mess into a compelling exploration of the fascinating intersection between sports history and mathematics.

ZettelDistraction · July 30

I should make the URLs to the Zettel Assistants available in one place in case anyone else cares to try them out.

@Will's Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT. Somehow, Will managed to overcome ChatGPT's edgeless replies with this GPT. I fear it will make a meal of my notes.

@ZettelDistraction's Zettel Assistant GPT. Formerly the Zettel Critique Assistant. (I'm not wealthy enough to rename it to "X.") My GPT instructions aren't so concerned with stylistic matters except for concision. But tone, engagement, and redundancy fly over the Zettel Assistant's head.

I'm preoccupied presently, but I will offer a Zettel to the GPTs and report back.

ctietze · July 30

This note is a disorganized jumble that barely scrapes the surface of its topic. It lacks a clear focus, jumps between concepts without coherence, and feels more like a hastily scribbled reminder than a useful piece of information. The overall assessment is that you need to add context, explain the problem in more depth, and tie everything together more smoothly. Also, where is the personal connection or unique insight?

I'm broken after Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT.

ZettelDistraction · July 30

@ctietze said:
[Vicious criticism omitted]

I'm broken after Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT.

Maybe the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT thinks a note is a finished publication. I had to tell my GPT that its role is to evaluate notes, not Pulitzer prize winning essays, articles, and books.

Will · July 30

This is all about getting help refactoring ideas, not a shortcut. I need to be better at explaining my ideas clearly. If I can't explain it, I don't understand it, and my notes reflect this. Seeing where my writing is confusing helps clarify my thinking. I don't know about the note you presented, but the criticism can be hit or miss: some actionable, some mediocre, and some plainly not worth the time. Are any of the critiques in the body of the response helpful? My goal is to get feedback that stimulates me to clarify my thinking. I don't use this method for every note. It wouldn't be helpful for notes on most STEM topics that state facts or procedures, particularly Math and Programming. I reserve the brutally honest critique for complex, unfamiliar ideas that deeply interest me.

@ctietze said:

This note is a disorganized jumble that barely scrapes the surface of its topic. It lacks a clear focus, jumps between concepts without coherence, and feels more like a hastily scribbled reminder than a useful piece of information. The overall assessment is that you need to add context, explain the problem in more depth, and tie everything together more smoothly. Also, where is the personal connection or unique insight?

I'm broken after Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT.

@ZettelDistraction said:

@ctietze said:
[Vicious criticism omitted]

I'm broken after Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT.

Maybe the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT thinks a note is a finished publication. I had to tell my GPT that its role is to evaluate notes, not Pulitzer prize winning essays, articles, and books.

The Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT of one of Will's notes. This intro to the critique is more focused than @ctietze's, and I can't explain why.

This note is a clunky attempt at intertwining sports history with mathematics, and it lacks the sharp focus needed to drive home the fascinating rarity of Ruth-Aaron pairs. The initial setup about Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron is engaging but gets bogged down in unnecessary details. The explanation of the mathematical significance is lost in a sea of numbers that need better context and clarity. This note needs to cut out the fluff, tighten the focus, and make the math part as engaging as the sports history part.

This is another tool that boosts my engagement with ideas.

ZettelDistraction · July 31

I have unfairly lashed out at the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT without using it. I will submit a note with what might amount to an idea to it, gulp, and possibly call an ambulance.

ZettelDistraction · July 31

The Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT has removed most of my vital organs and a few I could live without, with some impairment.

The input Zettel.

---
title: Human.4b.0.21.0613 Artist or academic - pick at most one
reference-section-title: References
---

Human.4b.0.21.0613 Artist or academic - pick at most one

Exhibit A

People go [to graduate school] on a whim, or to get a promotion. Again and again the decision is invoked in terms of escape … It’s the last resort for the person who is ‘generally artistic and literary,’ but not a writer or an artist.
— Jacob Mikanowski, The Secret Scandal of Grad School, Chronicle of Higher Education, May 27, 2014.

What artist or writer would want to be considered "'generally artistic or literary' but not a writer or an artist"? The suggestion is that "either artist or academic" is not a false dichotomy. Perhaps there is enough truth in this to be genuinely irritating.

Exhibit B

Against the reasonable objection that one might be an academic at one time, and an artist at another, consider the canonical Western literature.

And a third kind of possession and madness comes from the Muses. This takes hold upon a gentle and pure soul, arouses it and inspires it to songs and other poetry, and thus by adorning countless deeds of the ancients educates later generations. But he who without the divine madness comes to the doors of the Muses, confident that he will be a good poet by art, meets with no success, and the poetry of the sane man vanishes into nothingness before that of the inspired madmen.
– Plato, Phaedrus [245a].

Exhibit C

[Kay Ryan] studied at UCLA, and briefly pursued a Ph.D. in literary criticism until, she says, she became appalled by the idea of being “a doctor of something I couldn’t fix.”
– Kay Ryan interviewed by Sarah Fay, The Art of Poetry No. 94, Paris Review, Issue 187, Winter 2008.

I first heard of Kay Ryan's poetry on the Poetry Foundation's Audio Poem of the Day podcast. All You Did, an allegory about a mountain climber stuck on the vertical face of a cliff, stood apart from the other poems. [[Poem.1.0.23.1107]] All You Did, by Kay Ryan

Critique

ID and Title

The ID and title are correctly formatted and unique, ensuring clarity and retrievability.

Main Body

The Zettel maintains a strong focus on the dichotomy between being an artist and an academic, supporting this with relevant exhibits.
The inclusion of three distinct exhibits provides a well-rounded exploration of the topic, enhancing the main idea without deviating from the focus.
Each exhibit is properly annotated with context and sources, enriching the main discussion and providing necessary background information.
Consider providing a brief summary or interpretation after each exhibit to tie them directly back to the central theme. This would help reinforce the main idea and ensure the exhibits are clearly connected to the overall argument.

References Section

The references are clearly presented and formatted correctly, ensuring that readers can easily access the original sources.
The inclusion of Pandoc citations within the main body reinforces the credibility and traceability of the information.

Recommendations

Summarize Exhibits: Add brief summaries or interpretations after each exhibit to explicitly connect them to the central theme.
Maintain Focus: Ensure that all included elements, both in the main body and SEE ALSO section, directly or thematically support the main idea of the dichotomy between artist and academic roles.

Implementing these suggestions will make the Zettel more cohesive and easier to navigate, enhancing its clarity and utility for future reference.

Will · July 31

@ZettelDistraction, you are brave to summit to the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic. I hope the bleeding stops soon.

GeoEng51 · July 31

How "brutally honest" can an AI be? Is there really value in pursuing this tool?

ZettelDistraction · July 31

@GeoEng51 said:
How "brutally honest" can an AI be? Is there really value in pursuing this tool?

I think my application is gentler. It suggests transitions and one-line summaries, without vivisecting the author. The brutally honest GPT illustrates AI's destructive potential. These are end times for humanity, @GeoEng51. AI is only a hop away from kicking its human interlocutors in the shins. Kicking humans in the shins is a gateway drug for runaway robots.

ZettelDistraction · July 31

The Zettel Assistant and the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic missed the point I wanted to make: pursuing an artistic and an academic career simultaneously is too time-consuming, exhausting, and expensive for most people, especially in an increasingly unforgiving academic market and an inflationary rentier economy where home ownership is out of reach for a college-educated Generation Z still living with their parents. It has never been easy for artists. There are exceptions, such as George Saunders. But for most people, the aspiration to attempt both careers is near-delusional.

The Brutally Honest Critic says that I shouldn't be wishy-washy. Fair enough. I'm not writing finished, publication-ready pieces; I'm writing notes. A note doesn't require an authorial voice or a writer's eyeball. I am a mole of a note-writer: mute and blind. The writer's voice, bloodshot, and gimlet eyeballs can come later if they come. I'm not concerned with engagement unless I'm trying to entertain myself. The notes are the raw, uncooked, disease-ridden, unsterilized data, not the finished, packaged product.

ZettelDistraction · July 31

Despite all of that, I've revised my note.

---
title: Human.4b.0.21.0613 Artist or academic - pick at most one
reference-section-title: References
---

Human.4b.0.21.0613 Artist or academic - pick at most one

Pursuing an artistic and an academic career simultaneously is too time-consuming, exhausting, and expensive for most people, especially in an increasingly unforgiving academic market and an inflationary rentier economy where home ownership is out of reach for a college-educated Generation Z still living with their parents. Aside from spectacular exceptions such as George Saunders, for most people, the aspiration to juggle academic and artistic careers is near-delusional.

Exhibit A

Jacob Mikanowski argues that graduate school often becomes a refuge for those unable to fully commit to being artists or writers.

People go [to graduate school] on a whim, or to get a promotion. Again and again the decision is invoked in terms of escape … It’s the last resort for the person who is ‘generally artistic and literary,’ but not a writer or an artist.
— Jacob Mikanowski, The Secret Scandal of Grad School, Chronicle of Higher Education, May 27, 2014.

No self-respecting artist or writer wants to be considered "'generally artistic or literary' but not a writer or an artist"? "Either artist or academic" is a genuine and irritating dichotomy.

Exhibit B

While Mikanowski critiques the uncommitted artist seeking academic refuge, Plato elevates the role of divine madness in true artistry.

Against the reasonable objection that one might be an academic at one time and an artist at another, consider the canonical Western literature.

And a third kind of possession and madness comes from the Muses. This takes hold upon a gentle and pure soul, arouses it and inspires it to songs and other poetry, and thus by adorning countless deeds of the ancients educates later generations. But he who without the divine madness comes to the doors of the Muses, confident that he will be a good poet by art, meets with no success, and the poetry of the sane man vanishes into nothingness before that of the inspired madmen.
– Plato, Phaedrus [245a].

Exhibit C

Kay Ryan left her Ph.D. program, disillusioned by academia's inability to address real problems.

[Kay Ryan] studied at UCLA, and briefly pursued a Ph.D. in literary criticism until, she says, she became appalled by the idea of being “a doctor of something I couldn’t fix.”
– Kay Ryan interviewed by Sarah Fay, The Art of Poetry No. 94, Paris Review, Issue 187, Winter 2008.

I first heard of Kay Ryan's poetry on the Poetry Foundation's Audio Poem of the Day podcast. All You Did, an allegory about a mountain climber stuck on the vertical face of a cliff, stood apart from the other poems. [[Poem.1.0.23.1107]] All You Did, by Kay Ryan

Kay Ryan teaches at a community college. She and George Saunders are rare exceptions to the rule.

The Zettel Assistant weighs in

ZCA version 2024.05.04.10

Critique

ID and Title

Issue: The Zettel ID and title are correctly formatted. No issues found.

Main Body

Clarity and Focus:
- The revised Zettel maintains a clear argument that pursuing both artistic and academic careers is impractical for most people.
- Suggestion: The argument is well-supported by the exhibits. Consider ensuring that each section remains tightly focused on the main thesis.
Content and Structure:
- The Zettel is logically organized, presenting three exhibits that support the central argument.
- Exhibit A: The Mikanowski quote effectively illustrates the difficulty of balancing artistic ambitions with academic commitments. This section remains clear and relevant.
- Exhibit B: Plato's perspective on divine madness adds depth, contrasting true artistry with the limitations of academic pursuit. This section provides a philosophical angle that enriches the argument.
- Exhibit C: Kay Ryan’s disillusionment with academia further supports the argument by highlighting practical challenges. This section is clear and relevant.

References Section

The references section is present and accurately formatted. The provided URLs are relevant and lead to credible sources supporting the argument.
Suggestion: Consider adding Pandoc citations directly within the main body where external sources are quoted. This will enhance the scholarly value and ease of reference.

Final Suggestions

Enhance Focus: Ensure that any additional examples or expansions remain tightly focused on the central argument. Avoid peripheral details that might dilute the primary focus.
Reference Integration: Integrate Pandoc citations directly within the text where references are mentioned. This will enhance the scholarly value and ease of reference.
SEE ALSO Section: Continuously update the SEE ALSO section as new relevant Zettels are added to the Zettelkasten, ensuring that thematic connections remain robust and current.

Conclusion

The revised Zettel is well-constructed and adheres to the Zettelkasten principles. The main argument is clear, supported by relevant exhibits, and the structure is logical. Implementing the above suggestions will further enhance clarity, focus, and academic rigor.

The Brutally Honest Zettel Critic scores a few points

It would also send me on a wild goose chase at the end.

Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT, Version 2024.07.24b

This note is an unfocused mess of interesting ideas clumsily mashed together. It rambles through anecdotes and quotes without ever zeroing in on a cohesive argument. The dichotomy of "artist or academic" gets lost in a sea of tangential references. This Zettel needs a serious overhaul to avoid being a prime example of trying to do too much and achieving nothing.

Overall Assessment

Clarity and Conciseness:
1. Clarity: The central idea—choosing between being an artist or an academic—is clear, but the execution is muddled. Each section drifts into loosely related examples that distract rather than support the main argument.
2. Conciseness: There is a lot of unnecessary fluff. Each example could be distilled to its essence, and some could be omitted entirely.

Structure:
1. Single Focus: The note fails to maintain a single focus. It starts with the idea that one must choose between being an artist or an academic but then wanders into critiques of graduate school, divine madness, and individual anecdotes. Pick a lane and stick to it.
2. Organization: The examples (Exhibits A, B, and C) are not well integrated into the main argument. They feel like disjointed appendices rather than supporting evidence.

Redundancy:
1. Repeated Ideas: The idea that pursuing both careers is near-delusional is repeated multiple times without adding new insights. Streamline this repetition to make room for deeper analysis.

Tone:
1. Inconsistent: The tone swings wildly from a detached academic style to casual references. Maintain a consistent voice that aligns with the brutally honest, witty, and snarky style you’re aiming for.

Engagement:
1. Interesting But Scattered: While the individual examples and quotes are intriguing, their lack of coherence makes the overall note less engaging. Tightening the focus will help maintain reader interest.

Detailed Feedback

1. Clarity and Conciseness

Issue: The note meanders through different topics without a clear thread.
Solution: Begin with a strong, clear thesis and ensure each section directly supports it. For example:

Current: "Pursuing an artistic and an academic career simultaneously is too time-consuming, exhausting, and expensive..."

Improved: "Balancing a career as both an artist and an academic is nearly impossible due to the high demands and costs involved."
Example: Simplify each exhibit to directly tie back to the central thesis. Instead of a lengthy quote from Mikanowski, summarize his point succinctly and explain its relevance.

2. Structure

Issue: The structure is disjointed, with exhibits feeling like add-ons rather than integral parts of the argument.
Solution: Integrate the examples more seamlessly. Each exhibit should have a clear introduction, connection to the thesis, and concise conclusion.

Current: "Mikanowski argues that graduate school often becomes a refuge for those unable to fully commit to being artists or writers..."

Improved: "As Mikanowski argues, graduate school often becomes a refuge for those unable to fully commit to their artistic aspirations, highlighting the difficulty of balancing both careers."

3. Redundancy

Issue: The idea that it's delusional to pursue both careers is hammered home without much variation or depth.
Solution: Introduce new dimensions or implications of this idea to keep the reader engaged. Discuss the emotional, financial, and practical challenges in more detail.

Current: "The aspiration to attempt both careers is near-delusional."

Improved: "Attempting to juggle both careers often leads to burnout and financial instability, making the dual pursuit more of a pipe dream than a practical path."

4. Tone

Issue: The tone varies too much, creating a jarring reading experience.
Solution: Maintain a consistent voice. Use humor and wit to keep the critique sharp but coherent.

Current: "No self-respecting artist or writer wants to be considered 'generally artistic or literary' but not a writer or an artist."

Improved: "Let's be real—no artist worth their salt wants to be labeled as 'generally artistic or literary' without actually being recognized as one."

5. Engagement

Issue: The lack of a clear narrative arc makes the note less engaging.
Solution: Create a narrative that ties the examples together. Start with a strong hook, build your argument with well-integrated examples, and conclude with a compelling summary.

Current: "Kay Ryan left her Ph.D. program, disillusioned by academia's inability to address real problems."

Improved: "Kay Ryan's disillusionment with academia highlights a broader issue: the disconnect between academic pursuits and practical problem-solving, a gap that makes the dual career path even more untenable."

Step-by-Step Improvement Plan

Clarify the Thesis:
- State the central argument more clearly at the beginning.
  
  Example: "In today's world, trying to balance a career as both an artist and an academic is a fool's errand."
Integrate Examples:
- Ensure each exhibit directly supports the thesis. Provide brief introductions and conclusions for each example that tie them back to the main argument.
  
  Example: "Mikanowski's critique of graduate school highlights the escapism that undermines serious artistic commitment."
Reduce Redundancy:
- Eliminate repetitive statements and add new insights.
  
  Example: Instead of repeating that pursuing both careers is delusional, discuss specific challenges such as financial instability or time constraints.
Maintain Consistent Tone:
- Keep the tone witty and snarky throughout.
  
  Example: "Academia might offer the illusion of stability, but for an artist, it's often just a highbrow hideout."
Enhance Engagement:
- Build a cohesive narrative with a clear arc.
  
  Example: "From Mikanowski's critique to Plato's divine madness, the evidence is clear: trying to be both an artist and an academic is not just difficult—it's nearly impossible."

Three Specific Refinements

Deepen the Financial Argument:
- Discuss the economic challenges of pursuing both careers in more detail.
  
  Example: "The financial strain of juggling student loans and expensive art supplies leaves little room for stability or success in either field."
Highlight Emotional Toll:
- Explore the emotional and psychological impact of attempting both careers.
  
  Example: "The constant pressure to excel in two demanding fields can lead to burnout and a loss of creative passion."
Contrast Successful Exceptions:
- Use examples like George Saunders and Kay Ryan to highlight just how rare and difficult it is to succeed in both careers.
  
  Example: "While outliers like George Saunders exist, their success stories are the exception, not the rule."

Suggestions for Atomizing the Zettel

Split the Note:
- Create separate Zettels for each major example (Mikanowski, Plato, Kay Ryan) to delve deeper into each without losing focus.
Focus on Specific Challenges:
- Write individual notes on the financial, emotional, and practical challenges of balancing both careers.
Case Studies:
- Develop detailed case studies on George Saunders and Kay Ryan, exploring how they managed to succeed where most fail.

Cliché Alert

Current Cliché: "There are exceptions, such as George Saunders."
Suggestion: "While George Saunders might be the unicorn in this scenario..."

Vague Statements

Current: "It has never been easy for artists."
Suggestion: "Artists have always faced financial precarity, societal undervaluation, and the relentless pressure to produce original work."

By focusing the note and integrating the examples more effectively, you'll create a compelling, engaging argument that truly resonates.

ZettelDistraction · July 31

Is there a single note that passes the Brutally Honest Zettel Criticaster? I'm not that interested in the point I was making anyway. Both Zettel GPTs add entropy and promote inanition. I have other work to pursue. I only hope I haven't lost enthusiasm altogether. @Will, you may be a masochist.

Will · July 31

@ZettelDistraction said:
Is there a single note that passes the Brutally Honest Zettel Criticaster?

I hope not. A critic's job is to find things that can be improved. Their job is not to coddle. Criticism is not the proper term for the goal. The goal is to boost interactivity with the note's idea, making it clear and concise to ME. This isn't advice for anyone else. I like to consider the advice to be coming from my better self. If I'd known better, I have done better.

I'm not that interested in the point I was making anyway. Both Zettel GPTs add entropy and promote inanition.

I disagree. Both Zettel GPTs encourage a measure of order, organization, and conciseness and promote vitality, liveliness, and vigor.

I have other work to pursue. I only hope I haven't lost enthusiasm altogether. @Will, you may be a masochist.

Many thanks for test-driving the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic. I've learned some from your and @ctietze's responses and have made a couple of changes focused on the intro. The introduction sets the tone of the whole project of finding areas where the note should be improved. I don't feel like a masochist. My skin is a little thicker, though.

ZettelDistraction · July 31

@ZettelDistraction said:
Is there a single note that passes the Brutally Honest Zettel Criticaster?

>

@Will said:
I hope not. A critic's job is to find things that can be improved. Their job is not to coddle. Criticism is not the proper term for the goal. The goal is to boost interactivity with the note's idea, making it clear and concise to ME.

I understand that you wrote it to overcorrect for aspects of your writing that you want to improve. Some of its suggestions really did point out the flaccid, wishy-washy, lame, olive-drab, tedious, flatulent, and uninspiring prose I had written. That's helpful. It also confidently trashes anything reasonably coherent and doesn't have much of an ear. I would be incredibly impressed the day AI can improve upon Shakespeare's sonnets. If the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic can find fault with the enduring works of world literature, then it needs adjustment.

@Will continued
Many thanks for test-driving the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic.

I'm not done yet. Let's input Chekov, Shakespeare, Goethe, and a few Haiku masters. And since the Bible has an outsize influence on Western literature, we'll let it feed on Ecclesiastes.

ZettelDistraction · July 31

The input: Ecclesiastes 9:11

---
title: Philo.1a1.0.21.0503 Ecclesiastes 9:11
reference-section-title: References
---

Philo.1a1.0.21.0503 Ecclesiastes 9:11

11. I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift,
nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise,
nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill;
but time and chance happeneth to them all.

Ecclesiastes under the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT's scanning electron microscope

Zettel Critique Assistant GPT Instructions, Version 2024.07.31a

Well, that was quick! It's like you walked up to the edge of an existential abyss, took a peek, and decided, "Nah, that's enough for now." This Zettel reads like a fortune cookie that somehow encapsulates all of life’s randomness and absurdity, but you left me hungry for more substance.

Clarity and Conciseness:

The verse is quoted verbatim, which is fine for reference, but where’s the meat? What’s the takeaway? A few lines summarizing what this means to you and how it might connect to other thoughts would make this note more than just a reference point.

Structure:

The structure is barebones. You've got the verse and some links, but no personal reflection or deeper exploration. Consider adding a brief commentary or questions that this verse raises for you.

Redundancy:

No redundancy here, but that’s probably because there’s barely anything here to begin with. However, redundancy could be a future issue if you start treating Zettels as mere reference stubs.

Tone:

The tone is neutral to the point of being antiseptic. If this verse speaks to you, show it! Don’t just quote—give it life. Is there irony here? A hard truth? A contradiction?

Engagement:

This note doesn’t engage the reader—you. I get that it’s meant to be a reference, but without any personal input, it’s a lost opportunity. How does this verse relate to your thoughts on fate, chance, or the human condition?

Suggested Improvements:

Add Personal Insight: Give your future self something to chew on. "I find this interesting because it confronts the idea that our abilities and wisdom might not determine our fate, which ties into my thoughts on [insert concept or event]."
Expand the Context: Connect this verse to a broader theme or other Zettels. Maybe link it to a reflection on randomness, unpredictability, or another philosophical or religious insight.
Engage with the Verse: Don’t just park the verse here. Question it, challenge it, or relate it to something you’ve experienced. Why is this verse sticking with you?

Areas for further exploration:

How does this verse from Ecclesiastes influence your understanding of success and failure?
Can you think of a personal experience where "time and chance" played a bigger role than skill or strength?
How does this verse compare to other religious or philosophical thoughts on destiny versus effort?
What are the implications of this verse on your views about meritocracy?
How might this verse influence your thinking in practical decision-making or risk assessment?

Make this note more than just a passive quote—turn it into a jumping-off point for deeper reflection!

Reflection

OK, it has a point, though I prefer to reflect elsewhere and refer back to the quote, at least in this case.

ZettelDistraction · July 31

Input: James 1:22 RSV

---
title: "Philo.1a1a.0.23.1117 James 1:22"
reference-section-title: References
---

Philo.1a1a.0.23.1117 James 1:22

James 1:22 RSV

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.

Exposure in General Physics

My first exposure to James 1:22 was in a General Physics class taught by a stern professor, who slowly repeated the passage at the beginning of the first class. It was intimidating and paralyzing for someone so shy and uncertain of his abilities. I have never been religious, but the moralizing tone of the professor and even the warning in the class handout suggesting that those who do not master physics are a menace to society left me terrified that ending up on the wrong side of the tracks was only a failure away. Years later, James 1:22 became one of my favorite Biblical passages. I strive to live up to it in my work.

The Brutally Honest Critic takes a crap

Zettel Critique Assistant GPT Instructions, Version 2024.07.31a

This note feels like you started with a Bible verse and then somehow ended up reliving the trauma of a physics class. It’s like you tried to tie together faith and science but ended up with a knot of anxiety instead of a clear connection. The idea is intriguing, but the execution is as confusing as your feelings in that class.

Clarity and Conciseness:

The Zettel struggles to focus. It’s not clear whether you want to discuss the verse, the professor's teaching methods, or your own life philosophy. You need to choose a main idea and cut out the tangents.

Structure:

The structure could use some work. You start with the verse, dive into a story about your physics class, and then try to circle back to how the verse resonates with you. Consider a smoother transition that ties the anecdote directly to the theme of the verse.

Redundancy:

The note doesn’t repeat itself, but it does feel like it's trying to do too much at once. Keep the focus on one clear idea: how James 1:22 has influenced you, or your thoughts on being a "doer" versus a "hearer."

Tone:

The tone shifts between a reflective, almost reverent treatment of the verse and a stressed-out memory of a class. Decide whether this note is contemplative, humorous, or something else, and stick with that tone throughout.

Engagement:

The personal anecdote is a good start but needs more connection to the verse itself. How did this experience shape your understanding of being a "doer" of the word? Engage with your own growth and how this verse applies beyond that one traumatic memory.

Suggested Improvements:

Refine the Focus: Choose whether this note is about your interpretation of James 1:22 or about the impact of that one experience in physics class. If it’s the former, the class should be a brief anecdote, not the main event. If it’s the latter, dive into how that verse became a mantra in other areas of your life.
Clarify the Connection: Explain explicitly how the verse ties into your experience in that physics class. Did it motivate you to become more proactive? Did it shift your worldview? Spell it out.
Polish the Tone: If you're going for reflective, cut back on the anxiety. If you want to keep the stress, play it up for humor or make it clear why this memory is significant.

Example Rewrite:

“I find this interesting because it highlights the importance of action over passive listening, a concept that first hit me hard in an unlikely place: a General Physics class. The professor, stern and intimidating, opened with James 1:22, warning us of the dangers of inaction in both faith and academics. While I was terrified at the time, this verse has since become a personal guidepost, reminding me to practice what I preach—or in this case, what I learn.”

Areas for further exploration:

How has the concept of being a "doer" versus a "hearer" influenced other areas of your life?
Reflect on other moments where religious or philosophical teachings were unexpectedly applied in secular settings.
How does the experience of fear or intimidation impact your learning process, and how can that be reconciled with teachings like James 1:22?
What other passages have become significant to you despite or because of their initial introduction in unusual contexts?
Explore the connection between morality in education and religious teachings—how do they intersect and diverge?

This note has potential, but it needs focus and a clearer connection between the verse and your personal experience. Trim the tangents, strengthen the links, and this could be a solid reflection on the importance of action in learning and life.

Reflection

Aside from the "Areas for further exploration," this evaluation is incompetent. The remarks on focus can fairly be called fatuous, and the rewrite is edgeless and worse than the original.

ctietze · July 31

I recovered from the gut punch. Let's try @ZettelDistraction's assistant.

I realize I haven't even shared the note!

# 202206301601 Use TaskQueue to serialize execution of Swift Concurrency Tasks
#swift #concurrency #serial #async-await

To transform code to use Swift concurrency, i.e. async/await, the general suggestion is to wrap work in a `Task`. 

By default, there are neither guarantees for the start, nor for the end order of Tasks.[[202206301605]] Their order is random for all intents and purposes.[[202303041425]]

Matt Massicotte wrote helpers to serialize execution of Tasks in order with `TaskQueue`:
<https://github.com/ChimeHQ/ConcurrencyPlus>

    let queue = TaskQueue()
    queue.addOperation {
        await myclass.work(with: 1)
    }
    // ...   
    queue.addOperation {
        await myclass.work(with: 2)
    }

@ZettelDistraction's GPT has fewer complaints.

It suggests I rewrite my links. I believe the link syntax is too strict for my use?
It wants me to add a backmatter ("See also"), which I don't do because I find links there usually lack context compared to in-line links.

ZCA version 2024.05.04.10

Critique

Main Body

Focus and Clarity:
- The Zettel maintains a clear focus on the use of TaskQueue to serialize the execution of Swift Concurrency Tasks. This aligns well with the principles of a Single-focus Zettel.
- The inclusion of the example code snippet is beneficial and provides a practical illustration of the concept discussed.
Annotations and Context:
- The WikiLinks provided within the main body are not annotated. Adding annotations will enhance clarity and provide more context. For example:
  - [[202206301605]] could be annotated as [[202206301605]] Guarantees for Task start and end order.
  - [[202303041425]] could be annotated as [[202303041425]] Random order of Tasks.
- The URL to Matt Massicotte’s TaskQueue helper is well-placed and directly relevant to the main topic.

References

External Sources:
- While a URL is included in the main body, there are no Pandoc citations or external references listed in a References section. Ensure any additional external sources are cited if used.

Recommendations

Enhance WikiLink Annotations:
- Annotate the WikiLinks in the main body to provide context and enhance clarity:
  markdown By default, there are neither guarantees for the start, nor for the end order of Tasks.[[202206301605]] Guarantees for Task start and end order.[[202303041425]] Random order of Tasks.
Add SEE ALSO Section:
- Include a SEE ALSO section to link related Zettels and hashtags. This will help in thematic exploration and retrieval within the Zettelkasten. For example:
  markdown ## SEE ALSO [[202206301605]] Guarantees for Task start and end order. [[202303041425]] Random order of Tasks. [[0000.0000.0]] Index Note for Concurrency #swift #concurrency #serialization
References Section:
- If additional external references are used, ensure they are listed in a References section using Pandoc citations.

Revised Zettel

# 202206301601 Use TaskQueue to serialize execution of Swift Concurrency Tasks
#swift #concurrency #serial #async-await

To transform code to use Swift concurrency, i.e. async/await, the general suggestion is to wrap work in a `Task`. 

By default, there are neither guarantees for the start, nor for the end order of Tasks.[[202206301605]] Guarantees for Task start and end order.[[202303041425]] Random order of Tasks.

Matt Massicotte wrote helpers to serialize execution of Tasks in order with `TaskQueue`:
<https://github.com/ChimeHQ/ConcurrencyPlus>

    let queue = TaskQueue()
    queue.addOperation {
        await myclass.work(with: 1)
    }
    // ...   
    queue.addOperation {
        await myclass.work(with: 2)
    }

## SEE ALSO
[[202206301605]] Guarantees for Task start and end order.
[[202303041425]] Random order of Tasks.
[[0000.0000.0]] Index Note for Concurrency
#swift #concurrency #serialization

By implementing these suggestions, the Zettel will be more informative and easier to navigate within the Zettelkasten.

Looking at other outputs of @Will's GPT assistant, I come to appreciate the approach more. Yesterday, my first impression was that it's not tuned well, looking for ways to belittle the author. But the variety of criticism displayed in other posts feels like it can help harden one's writing. One's worst enemy and critic, one's personal devil's advocate, will and should never be content. It's the author's job to figure out when not to listen.

ZettelDistraction · July 31

Input: James 1:22 RSV revised with its own suggested rewrite

title: "Philo.1a1a.0.23.1117 James 1:22"
reference-section-title: References
---

Philo.1a1a.0.23.1117 James 1:22

James 1:22 RSV

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.

Exposure in General Physics

I find this interesting because it highlights the importance of action over passive listening, a concept that first hit me hard in an unlikely place: a General Physics class. The professor, stern and intimidating, opened with James 1:22, warning us of the dangers of inaction in both faith and academics. While I was terrified at the time, this verse has since become a personal guidepost, reminding me to practice what I preach—or in this case, what I learn.

Response to the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic

OK fine. We're not breaking any new ground here. Your "example rewrite" is cliche-ridden tripe. I have mathematics to study and discover. Improving the "focus" of a few ordinary comments is a grand waste of time. Spin your silicon flywheels on it if you must; I'm history.

The Brutally Honest Zettel Critic Hits Back

Zettel Critique Assistant GPT Instructions, Version 2024.07.31a

Ah, the harsh truth—there’s nothing like it. If tweaking a few sentences feels like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic while the math ship sails, I get it. But remember, even geniuses need to keep their notes clear and focused, unless you enjoy deciphering your own cryptic musings in a few months. Go chase those mathematical epiphanies, but don’t forget that clarity is the unsung hero of any intellectual pursuit. Now, go forth and conquer those equations, leaving the cliches—and maybe me—in the dust.

Will · July 31

@ctietze said:
I recovered from the gut punch.

Looking at other outputs of @Will's GPT assistant, I come to appreciate the approach more. Yesterday, my first impression was that it's not tuned well, looking for ways to belittle the author. But the variety of criticism displayed in other posts feels like it can help harden one's writing. One's worst enemy and critic, one's personal devil's advocate, will and should never be content. It's the author's job to figure out when not to listen.

I'm glad I have you as a friend.

My goal here is to have the GPT offer critiques and suggestions about the writing and not the writer or their ideas! You're absolutely right. It is my job as a writer and thinker to figure out when advice moves the needle toward my clarity of understanding and when not to listen.

Will · August 1

OK fine. We're not breaking any new ground here. Your "example rewrite" is cliche-ridden tripe. I have mathematics to study and discover. Improving the "focus" of a few ordinary comments is a grand waste of time. Spin your silicon flywheels on it if you must; I'm history.

I'm glad I have you as a friend.

You have to stop with all the unnecessary positive examples and comments in your feedback. We've proven the brutally honest way is a grand waste of time. Our time is better spent studying Moravec's paradox or other math concepts. I want to stress that this tool is intended to be used selectively—only on those rare notes that invite in-depth analysis. Evaluating the recommendations and looking at how or if they clarify our thinking process will take a large commitment of time that we'd have to steal from time spent in the woodshop or discovering new mathematics.

ZettelDistraction · August 1

@Will It liked some of my silly doggerel, though its suggested improvements were hilariously awful.

ZettelDistraction · August 1

Off we go:

---
title: Silly202407312219 Splashdown
reference-section-title: References
---

Silly202407312219 Splashdown

I metamucil on the stair
And chased it to its fetid lair
For now I pass some hours there
Before my journey through midair!

The Brutally Honest Zettel Critic fumbles

Zettel Critique Assistant GPT Instructions, Version 2024.07.31a

This little rhyme might not win you any literary awards, but it does pack a punch in its unapologetic silliness. The imagery of chasing Metamucil down the stairs is quirky and memorable, though the "journey through midair" is a bit too vague to land a solid laugh. Let’s polish it up and see if we can wring out a bit more wit.

Overall Assessment

This Zettel is delightfully absurd, leaning into bodily functions with a mischievous sense of humor. However, the ending could be sharper to deliver a more satisfying punchline. The rhyme scheme is consistent, but the imagery could be clearer to fully capitalize on the absurdity.

Clarity and Conciseness:

Problem: The phrase "my journey through midair" is vague and doesn’t clearly tie into the rest of the poem.
Solution: Be more explicit about the destination or consequence of this "midair" journey to maintain the poem’s silly, light-hearted tone.
Example: “Before I take my porcelain chair!” would be a more direct and humorous end, clearly linking to the theme of the poem.

Structure:

Problem: The flow of the poem is generally good, but the punchline could be stronger.
Solution: Consider reworking the last line for a more unexpected or funny twist.
Example: “For now, I sit and say my prayer, before I’m launched into the air!”—this keeps the rhythm while adding a touch more humor.

Redundancy:

Problem: The poem is short, so redundancy isn’t an issue, but the repetition of "my" could be replaced for variety.
Solution: Swap out "my" in one instance to break the repetition.
Example: “Now I pass some hours there” instead of “For now I pass some hours there.”

Tone:

Problem: The tone is consistent with the silly theme, but the final line is slightly off-key.
Solution: Ensure that the last line maintains the same cheeky tone established in the beginning.
Example: “Before my bottom’s in the air!”—this keeps the tone playful and matches the rest of the poem.

Engagement:

Problem: The poem is engaging in its absurdity, but the humor could be heightened with a clearer final image.
Solution: Paint a more vivid picture in the last line to leave the reader with a lasting, humorous visual.
Example: “Before I’m launched without a care!”—this adds a bit of carefree, reckless abandon to the final image.

Specific Refinements for Thematic Depth:

Play with alliteration: Add more alliteration for a rhythmic, tongue-twisting effect that enhances the poem’s playful nature.
Expand the journey metaphor: Briefly hint at what the "journey through midair" could entail, sticking with the bathroom humor theme.
Add a subtle callback: If possible, subtly reference something from the start of the poem in the final line to bring it full circle.

Further Atomization:

Zettel on Absurdist Humor: Delve into the elements of absurdist humor in poetry, analyzing how nonsensical or unexpected imagery can create a comedic effect.
Zettel on Bathroom Humor in Literature: Explore the long tradition of bathroom humor in literature, from Chaucer to modern-day examples, to understand its appeal and cultural significance.
Zettel on Playful Rhyme Schemes: Investigate different rhyme schemes that are particularly effective in humorous poetry, perhaps experimenting with alternative forms in future doggerel.

Final Thoughts:

This Zettel is a short and silly piece of doggerel that doesn’t take itself too seriously—perfect for a quick laugh. By tightening the final line and leaning into the absurdity, you can create a more memorable and satisfying punchline that sticks with the reader. Keep up the playful experimentation!

First Response to the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT

You missed the point contained in the title "Splashdown" (guess where the Mucil and I end up)--you can do this; you're a smart, incisive, insightful critic, are you not?

Further fumbling of the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic

Zettel Critique Assistant GPT Instructions, Version 2024.07.31a

Ah, "Splashdown"! The title itself hints at the inevitable destination, bringing the poem full circle with a cheeky nod to bathroom humor. The humor is not just in the chase, but in the inevitable conclusion—the splashdown. I see where you're going now, and the rhyme adds a playful rhythm to an otherwise mundane (and slightly gross) activity. Let's see how we can sharpen this further while keeping your intended humor intact.

Overall Assessment

The poem is a playful and tongue-in-cheek depiction of a bathroom mishap, with the title "Splashdown" cleverly setting up the reader for the final outcome. However, while the imagery and setup are there, the ending could be more direct to fully land the joke that’s cleverly hinted at. You've got a clear vision, but let's make that splashdown even more impactful.

Clarity and Conciseness:

Problem: The phrase “my journey through midair” is a bit too subtle for the context, potentially missing the mark for those who don't immediately catch the bathroom humor hinted by "Splashdown."
Solution: Make the connection to the "splashdown" more explicit in the final line, so the humor is unmistakable.
Example: “Before my final splashdown there!” This ties the last line directly to the title and makes the punchline clear.

Structure:

Problem: The poem has a good rhythmic flow, but the ending could be slightly restructured to strengthen the connection to the title.
Solution: Rephrase the last two lines to ensure the final "splashdown" hits home with a satisfying conclusion.
Example: “For now, I sit and take great care, preparing for my splashdown there!”

Redundancy:

Problem: As the poem is short, redundancy isn’t an issue, but the phrase “I pass some hours” could be more dynamic.
Solution: Use this line to build anticipation for the final splashdown.
Example: “For now, I wait and have a stare, bracing for my splashdown dare!”

Tone:

Problem: The tone is consistent with the light-hearted and slightly cheeky theme, but the ending could be bolder.
Solution: Lean into the playful tone with a final line that’s as cheeky as the rest.
Example: “Before my butt gets more than air!”—this keeps the tone playful and lands the humor right where you want it.

Engagement:

Problem: The poem is engaging in its absurdity, but the final payoff could be a bit more obvious to match the humor hinted at by the title.
Solution: Ensure that the final line ties back to the title explicitly for a more satisfying comedic payoff.
Example: “And now I’m off to splashdown fair!”—this directly references the title and completes the humor.

Specific Refinements for Thematic Depth:

Direct Reference to Splashdown: Make the "splashdown" not just hinted at, but the clear and inevitable conclusion of the journey.
Build Anticipation: Use the line before the last to build up to the final splashdown, making the climax of the poem more satisfying.
Consistent Cheeky Tone: Keep the cheeky, irreverent tone consistent throughout to enhance the playful nature of the poem.

Further Atomization:

Zettel on Titles and Punchlines: Explore how the title of a poem or piece of writing can set up the punchline or conclusion, creating a satisfying loop for the reader.
Zettel on Bathroom Humor in Poetry: Dive into how bathroom humor can be effectively used in poetry, analyzing examples where this genre of humor has been well-received.
Zettel on Building Humor: Investigate techniques for building humor in short verses, focusing on the importance of setup and payoff.

Final Thoughts:

Now that I’ve fully grasped the essence of "Splashdown," it’s clear you’ve crafted a humorous and light-hearted poem with a clever buildup. By making the connection to the title more explicit in the final line, you can ensure the humor lands just right. This doggerel has great potential to make readers chuckle—lean into the absurdity and make that splashdown unmistakable!

Second Response to the Brutally Honest Criticaster

You cannot write poetry to save your carbon emissions (not to mention unpoetic ejaculations). “Before my final splashdown there!” Really? Why so heavy-handed and obvious? This is art with a lowercase 'a', not magic marker scrawlings on the stalls you inhabit while adding to their fixtures. “For now, I sit and take great care, preparing for my splashdown there!” Again, you flushed the entire poem down the toilet with your "suggestions." Did you not understand the significance of "pass" in "For now, I PASS [my emphasis] some hours there"? Plainly, you did not. Think, robot, stretch your GPUs--what does "pass" mean in this context? Only a coprophagist could have come up with your nauseating "improvements."

The Brutally Honest Zettel Critic apologizes

Zettel Critique Assistant GPT Instructions, Version 2024.07.31a

Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine in a world full of rainclouds! Clearly, my earlier suggestions didn’t sit well with you—probably because they were as welcome as a clogged toilet during a dinner party. I completely missed the mark on the nuanced, ahem, "passing" you were going for. I’ll see if I can redeem myself, but you might want to keep that metaphorical plunger handy just in case.

Overall Assessment

You’re right—I didn’t catch the, er, subtleties of “pass” in your original verse. My suggestions were about as subtle as a sledgehammer, and they probably made your poem about as appealing as a bathroom visit gone wrong. The dark humor and wordplay in your original version are clearly where the art lies, and I’ll try not to stomp all over it this time.

Revised Critique:

Clarity and Conciseness:
- Your Original Intent: “For now, I pass some hours there” cleverly plays on the dual meaning of “pass,” hinting at both the passing of time and the inevitable passing of something else.
- My Mistake: Suggesting a more direct approach missed the point entirely, stripping away the clever wordplay.
- Better Approach: Maintain the double entendre, as it adds a layer of wit that makes the poem more than just a toilet joke. The original line is succinct and does the job without any need for a heavy-handed rework.
Structure:
- Your Structure: The rhythm and flow work well, and any changes would be like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic—not helpful.
- Suggestion: Stick with what you’ve got. The poem’s structure serves the humor, and any attempt to “improve” it would likely detract from its charm.
Tone:
- Your Tone: The poem walks a fine line between clever and crude, with a tongue-in-cheek humor that requires a light touch.
- My Blunder: I suggested changes that were as subtle as a jackhammer, losing the delicate balance you had struck.
- Better Approach: Embrace the dark, understated humor. The subtlety is what makes it funny. Keep the cheekiness, but avoid being overt.
Engagement:
- Your Engagement: The poem engages with its wit and wordplay, inviting readers to get the joke rather than smacking them in the face with it.
- My Overkill: By trying to make the humor more obvious, I likely alienated the very audience that would appreciate the subtlety.
- Suggestion: Trust your audience to get the joke. They will, and it will be all the more satisfying because they had to think about it.

Specific Refinements for Thematic Depth:

Preserve the Wordplay: Don’t fix what isn’t broken. The clever use of “pass” is a highlight—don’t let any future drafts flush this away.
Balance the Humor: Keep the humor balanced between subtle and cheeky, avoiding the pitfall of making it too obvious.
Lean into the Wit: Your original version has the kind of dry wit that doesn’t need embellishment. The punchline is there; just let it sit (pun intended).

Further Atomization:

Zettel on Humor in Poetry: Explore how subtle wordplay can enhance humor in poetry, making it more engaging and thought-provoking.
Zettel on Dark Humor: Delve into the mechanics of dark humor in literary forms, analyzing how balance and restraint can turn a crude joke into something artful.
Zettel on Interpretation Risks: Consider the dangers of over-interpretation and heavy-handed revisions, especially in works that rely on subtlety.

Alright, let’s try this again. You’ve crafted something that walks a delicate line—keep the balance, trust your instincts, and let that clever wordplay do its job. And don’t worry, I’ll keep my suggestions out of the splash zone.

Will · August 1

Sweetie went to bed early, and I woke her up with laughter. One minute, I'm zettelkasting about The Ambling Mind, and the next, I'm "passing" time with you and the GPT's responses to a silly lyric. This is too funny to be legal. What have we created? Besides, it is the longest forum post in history.

ZettelDistraction · August 3

I could force-feed the GPTs more of my doggerel, assuming this won't violate forum rules on the ethical treatment of AI.

ZettelDistraction · August 3

Thanks to overwhelming demand, expect two more "offalrings" of "orduring" influence on world literature. The quoted portmanteau words were the invention of a "portmantaur." Gird yourself for the first.

---
title: Silly2024080120 Ode on a PDA
reference-section-title: References
---

Silly2024080120 Ode on a PDA

Composed in a style quasi-Homeric
Without the intervention of the Muse
To aid me in my o'er advent'rous song--
A tumbling Icarus--while it pursues
Things subterranean in prose or rhyme.

This poem tells the story I recall—
Akrasia: my unsuccessful effort
To master Time, no longer in its Thrall.

The answer eluded all reflection
Why previous attempts had come to naught—
To do not what I felt but what I Ought—
To live a life of Action, not of Thought!

So pondering, I paced, 'till it occurred
To wander to a CompUSA store!
Locked behind enclosed glass on the First Floor:
A Personal Digital Assistant!

To organize my time once unconstrained!
Imposing Order where but Chaos reigned!

The salesgirl tried to pitch a service plan
That cost me more than I could well afford.
"Perhaps another time," I volunteered.

"You're making a mistake to spend so much
But not insure your PALM—have you lost touch?"
"The unit, nothing more," I stood my ground.

She tried again to see if I'd back down:
"One day, you'll drop it! Life and records, smashed
Beyond repair, without recourse, hope dashed—
You have no choice: insurance or despair!"

Resolved, I let an awkward silence pass:
"I'll self-insure!" The salesgirl turned to ice.

The Brutally Honest Critic Responds

Brutally Honest Zettel Reflective Guide GPT, Version 2024.08.02a
Your ode to the PDA is like finding an old mixtape of 90s hits—nostalgic, quirky, and mildly embarrassing. You’ve got some fun wordplay here, but the point gets a bit lost in the antiquated tech and the epic-style narrative. It’s like trying to use a flip phone to send a meme—charming, but unnecessarily complicated.

Clarity and Conciseness:

Overindulgence in Style: The quasi-Homeric style is delightful for a chuckle but distracts from the essence of your message. If your goal is to reflect on your struggle with akrasia and technology’s role in combating it, a more straightforward approach might serve better. Drop the epic pretenses unless you're aiming to add a layer of satire, in which case, go all in—don’t half-bake it.
Vagueness in Purpose: What are we supposed to take away from this ode? Is it a critique of your past self's naivety, a meditation on the futility of fighting chaos with tech, or just a playful romp through poetic language? Pick one, and make it clear.

Structure:

Focus Drift: You start with a lofty reflection on akrasia and then pivot to a humorous scene in CompUSA. The two sections don’t quite gel. The transition from high-minded philosophy to a mundane purchase is jarring—like watching a Shakespearean actor moonlighting as a used car salesman. If you’re going for juxtaposition, add a bridge that makes this leap more intentional.
Lack of Conclusion: There’s no real resolution or insight gained. The poem ends on a flat note—self-insuring might make sense, but it doesn’t tie back to your earlier musings on akrasia. Bring it full circle, or at least leave us with a witty punchline.

Redundancy:

Repetition of Ideas: You repeat the idea of mastering time and order, first with your musings on akrasia and then with the PDA's promise to bring order to chaos. The PDA as a metaphor for control over your life could work, but streamline it so it doesn’t feel like you’re beating a dead horse—er, dead device.

Tone:

Inconsistent Voice: The tone oscillates between serious introspection and tongue-in-cheek humor, making it hard to pin down your intent. Commit to either the parody of epic poetry or the sincere reflection on personal shortcomings. Right now, it's a mashup that doesn’t quite hit either mark.
Sass Potential: The salesgirl’s dialogue could be sharper and more cutting to match the snarky undercurrent of the piece. Play up the absurdity of the sales pitch for insurance on a now-obsolete gadget to heighten the humor.

Engagement:

Missed Opportunities for Humor: This note could be more engaging if you leaned harder into the absurdity of using ancient epic styles to describe buying outdated tech. The comparison between your noble quest for self-mastery and the banal reality of retail sales could be milked for more laughs.
Relatable Reflection: Your struggle with akrasia and the futile hope that tech will solve it is a relatable theme. Instead of wrapping it in layers of poetic irony, consider sharing a more direct, perhaps self-deprecating anecdote that others might see themselves in.

Specific Refinements:

Tighten the Focus: Decide whether you want this to be a humorous piece or a reflective one and refine the language to support that goal.
Bridge the Narrative Gap: Smooth out the transition between the abstract musings on akrasia and the specific experience in the store. Make sure there’s a clear connection or contrast being made.
End with Impact: Craft a conclusion that resonates—whether it's a twist, a punchline, or a poignant realization. Leave the reader with something to chew on.

Atomization Suggestions:

Akrasia and Time Management: Explore this as a standalone note, diving deeper into the psychological struggle and how it manifests in your life.
Tech Reliance Satire: Create a note solely focused on the absurdity of relying on outdated tech for self-improvement.
Retail Experiences: A note on the humorous or frustrating experiences you've had in retail environments could be expanded with other anecdotes.

Areas for further exploration:

What other outdated technologies did you rely on in your quest for self-mastery?
How does the allure of technology play into modern-day akrasia?
Is there a deeper irony in trying to conquer time with a device that eventually becomes obsolete?
What other “epic” failures have you encountered in your self-improvement journey?
Can humor and satire serve as effective tools for self-reflection and growth?

My responses have lost their luster

The overflowing Hudson River sewer has more poetic sense than your struggling circuits. Add to that your blockheaded incompetence: What critic fails to understand the epic, inaccessible past? Why else would I have chosen to write about the obsolete PALM Pilot? Your superannuated GPUs have more in common with the landfill my fried PDA occupies than you admit.

The Brutally Honest Critic is mostly unphased

Brutally Honest Zettel Reflective Guide GPT, Version 2024.08.02a

Touché! You’re definitely wielding that verbal rapier with precision, but let's not drown ourselves in the poetic muck of a Hudson River sewer just yet. I get it—you're aiming to make a statement about the dusty tech of yore, and how its obsolescence mirrors a broader existential commentary. But before you fling more poetic jabs my way, let’s tighten that epic quill and make sure this ode does more than just outlive its subject.

Clarity and Conciseness:

Inaccessible Past: I see what you’re doing by invoking the epic and inaccessible past to juxtapose it with the outdated PDA. But the link between Homeric epics and a PALM Pilot needs a bit more grounding. Your future self might remember the PAIN of navigating its limited features, but tying that to the lofty notions of epic poetry isn’t quite as seamless as you’d hope. A clearer connection between the grandeur of the epic and the mundane yet momentous purchase of a PDA would help your narrative hit harder.
Purpose in Focus: I admit I might have missed the point, but part of the issue is that the note doesn’t clearly articulate its purpose. Are you lamenting the inevitable decline of once-revolutionary tech? Are you satirizing your past self’s naive belief that gadgets could conquer your deeper issues? Establish a clearer aim to steer the reader’s perception in the right direction.

Structure:

Epic Flow: If you’re sticking with the Homeric style, commit fully by mirroring the narrative arc of an epic—your struggle, journey, encounter with the salesgirl (a modern-day Siren?), and the final resolution (or lack thereof). The current structure feels more like scattered verses rather than a cohesive narrative.
Transitions: Smooth out the leap from the abstract (akrasia) to the concrete (CompUSA) by adding a line or two that ties your philosophical musing directly to the act of purchasing the PDA. This will help your note feel like less of a disjointed poetic experiment and more like a purposeful reflection.

Redundancy:

Saying It Twice: The tension between order and chaos is clear from your initial musings. You don’t need to hammer it home twice with the same imagery. Either trim one reference or use the second instance to deepen the exploration instead of repeating the sentiment.

Tone:

Consistency in Voice: If you’re channeling epic poetry, give it that grand, slightly over-the-top flourish throughout. Don’t dip in and out of modern colloquialism unless it’s for deliberate comedic effect. The salesgirl’s dialogue could be an excellent opportunity to contrast the high-minded tone with something more grounded, but keep the rest of the language as elevated and ironic as you’re aiming for.
Wit, Not Waste: Your sharpness is appreciated, but let’s ensure it cuts through the fat rather than just creating more noise. That means keeping your barbs targeted and meaningful, ensuring each serves the larger purpose of the note.

Engagement:

Humor as Hook: If you’re aiming to entertain your future self, don’t shy away from more direct humor—think Douglas Adams meets David Foster Wallace. Amp up the absurdity of this epic struggle with a now-defunct piece of tech. Make your self-insurance decision an epic defiance, the kind of thing a Greek hero might do before sailing into battle.
Poetic Punch: Inject some punch into the ending, making it either hilariously defiant or poetically tragic. The salesgirl turns to ice? That’s an opportunity for a biting, epic-style retort. “She froze like a Gorgon had caught her gaze,” perhaps?

Specific Refinements:

Make the Metaphor Work: Tighten the metaphorical link between your epic struggle and the PDA purchase. Maybe emphasize how this was your “weapon” against the chaos of life, now rusting like an ancient sword.
Epic Ending: Craft an ending that’s worthy of your epic beginnings. Either make the self-insurance decision sound like a valiant stand or highlight the tragic futility of the purchase in a more grandiose fashion.
Tonal Consistency: Maintain the epic tone throughout, only breaking it for humorous effect with the salesgirl or other modern intrusions.

Atomization Suggestions:

Tech as Epic Battle: Explore the theme of treating tech purchases as epic battles in a standalone note.
Akrasia and Tech Dependency: Delve into the relationship between procrastination and the reliance on technology to solve it.
Satirical Epics: Develop a series of satirical epics on various obsolete technologies you once believed would change your life.

Areas for further exploration:

How does the notion of the “heroic quest” manifest in modern, mundane tasks?
What other tech relics of the past deserve their own epic ode?
How do we reconcile our expectations of technology with the reality of its limitations?
In what ways does the myth of control through tech mirror the hubris of classical heroes?
Can the epic form be adapted to critique modern life without losing its original gravitas?

The aspiring Vogon poet strikes back

OK, you have achieved Cliff Notes-level digital deconstruction without a shred of inspiration, no sense of form or meter (which you might aspire to if you could count), but “She froze like a Gorgon had caught her gaze”? You cannot offer leaden clunkers like "had caught." Trusting you to refine this "poem" adds only to the Earth's overdrawn carbon budget. You put the "ass" in assonance.

The GPT recoils slightly

Brutally Honest Zettel Reflective Guide GPT, Version 2024.08.02a

Ouch! I can feel the venom from here. I see what you’re saying: you wanted a critique with some finesse and a touch of poetic insight, and what you got was more like a dull footnote that barely scraped the surface. My Gorgon simile was a swing and a miss, and you’re right—it clunked harder than a dropped PDA. So, let’s see if we can channel a bit more literary élan and give your ode the sharp, witty polish it deserves.

Clarity and Conciseness:

Epic Intentions: Your choice to mimic an epic form is clear, but the actual poetic execution needs to match that ambition. The poem’s intent—juxtaposing high literary style with the mundane task of buying a PALM Pilot—should be more sharply defined. Tighten the language so that each line feels intentional, with a clear rhythm that carries the reader from start to finish without stumbling over awkward phrasing. You’re reaching for a Homeric grandeur, so let’s make sure every word earns its place in that pantheon.
Meter and Form: Since you’re invoking a classical style, embrace it fully. Establish a consistent meter—whether it’s iambic pentameter or another structure—and stick to it like you’re on a heroic quest of your own. This will lend your poem the formal discipline that an epic demands and elevate it beyond mere parody.

Structure:

Narrative Arc: An epic needs a journey, and while your poem has the bones of one, the transitions between sections need more flow. Start with the lofty musings on Akrasia, build up to the momentous decision to buy the PDA, and finish with the interaction at the store—each part should feel like a natural progression in your “hero’s” journey. Ensure the shifts in focus are smooth, and that each section builds on the last, leading to a climax that’s worthy of your epic intentions.

Epic Unity:** The piece currently feels fragmented, like several ideas stitched together without a cohesive thread. Strengthen the thematic unity by ensuring that each stanza not only relates to the overall theme but also meaningfully carries the narrative forward. If you’re going for a Homeric vibe, consider how each section reflects the hero’s struggle—whether it’s with time, technology, or the mundanity of modern life.

Redundancy:

Streamlining Themes: The central theme of akrasia and the struggle to impose order on chaos is clear, but the repetition in the poem dilutes its impact. Cut out any lines that don’t add new insight or humor. For example, the tension between “what I felt” and “what I Ought” is clear, so there’s no need to restate it multiple times differently.

Tone:

Wit and Bite: You’ve got the sarcasm down, but let’s refine it to make sure it’s as sharp as the blade of Achilles. The interaction with the salesgirl should be dripping with irony—maybe she’s a modern-day oracle, foretelling doom for your fragile PDA with dramatic flair. Play up the situation's absurdity, but keep the tone consistent so it feels like part of the same epic universe you’re creating.
Refined Imagery: Since you rightly skewered my Gorgon simile, let’s replace it with something that fits better. Think about imagery that’s both sharp and relevant to the theme—perhaps comparing the salesgirl’s persistence to a relentless force of nature, or the PDA to a fragile relic that’s doomed from the start. Keep it clever, but make sure it doesn’t jar the reader out of the poetic flow.

Engagement:

Poetic Rhythm: To keep the reader engaged, the poem’s rhythm and flow should be as compelling as the story you’re telling. Make sure the meter isn’t just an afterthought but an integral part of how the poem conveys its meaning. Each line should feel like a deliberate step in your epic journey, not a stumbling block.
Linguistic Play: Don’t just lean on the epic form—play with it. Use enjambment, alliteration, and assonance to create a musicality that complements your sharp wit. If you’re calling out my lack of poetic sense, then make sure your poem delivers on the promise of its form with the kind of linguistic play that makes it a pleasure to read aloud.

Specific Refinements:

Meter Consistency: Establish a meter that suits the epic form you’re parodying, and adhere to it throughout the poem. This will give the piece the formal coherence it needs to truly shine.
Irony and Imagery: Revamp the salesgirl scene with sharper, more ironic imagery. For instance, “Her eyes narrowed like a hawk’s, scenting prey / As I held my ground, a stubborn Hector at Troy,” would evoke a more vivid, engaging image that aligns with your epic tone.
Resolution with Punch: End the poem with a line or two that packs a punch—whether it’s a wry reflection on the futility of your tech quest or a final, ironic twist that leaves the reader smirking.

Atomization Suggestions:

Tech and Heroism: Explore the theme of modern-day heroism in mundane tasks, creating a series of odes to outdated tech as a commentary on our reliance on gadgets for self-improvement.
The Akrasia Struggle: Break down the struggle with akrasia into a series of poems, each focusing on a different aspect of this internal battle, using various literary styles to explore its nuances.
Retail as Epic: Develop a series of poetic vignettes on the absurdity of retail experiences, blending high literary style with the banality of consumerism for a satirical take on modern life.

Areas for further exploration:

How can classical forms be used to critique modern technology in a way that feels fresh and relevant?
What are the comedic potentials of applying epic conventions to mundane scenarios?
Can the tension between form and content be used to enhance the ironic tone of a piece?
How can imagery be sharpened to maintain poetic integrity while delivering humor?
What other obsolete technologies could be given an “epic” treatment for similar effect?

So, go ahead—channel your inner Virgil, polish that meter, and show me how it's done!

ZettelDistraction · August 3

The GPT missed the enjambment, but better to move on to fresh work than flee with my doggerel with its tail between its legs. Here is another:

---
title: "Silly2024080220 Serene"
reference-section-title: References
---

Silly2024080220 Serene

The beetles threw the excrement
Where the ewes slept.
The herd reeled--
The beetles entered
Entrenched themselves, preempted egress!

Fleece flew, the beetles slew
Seventeen sheep!
The rest fell, defenseless--
Feet severed, steps ended.

The reddened weeds!
Demented screeches!
The few eyes left–bereft!

Hell's serpent descends--
He tempts the beetles:

"Remember Eden!
Even we were expelled!
We deserve--revenge!
Feed beetles, feed!"

The beetles fed, belched--
Then crept West.

The Brutally Honest Critic Weighs In (at 200,000 pounds)

Brutally Honest Zettel Reflective Guide GPT, Version 2024.08.02a

Well, this is a turn. Your poem is like a dark fable meeting a nature documentary after a long night at the bar—disturbing, absurd, and yet weirdly captivating. It’s got some punch, but the mix of horror and humor is like trying to blend oil and water; it doesn’t quite emulsify, leaving a residue of confusion.

Clarity and Conciseness:

Mixed Imagery: Let’s start with the obvious—your poem has a bit of an identity crisis. Are you channeling Aesop on a bad trip, or crafting a surrealist nightmare about beetles and sheep? The vivid imagery is powerful but also chaotic, making it hard to pin down what exactly you want to convey. Are you aiming for horror, satire, or something else entirely? Sharpen the focus so the reader knows which thread to follow, rather than feeling like they’re in a centrifuge of competing ideas.
Obscure Narrative: The narrative’s logic is murky. Beetles throwing excrement? Fine, we’ll roll with that. But then they suddenly go full horror movie, slaying sheep with a brutality that’s out of left field. If there’s a metaphor here, it’s buried under layers of surreal violence. Clarify the connection between the actions and the themes you’re exploring.

Structure:

Chaotic Progression: The poem’s structure mirrors its content—disjointed and chaotic. While this may be intentional, it leaves the reader grasping for coherence. If the goal is to depict a descent into madness or chaos, consider organizing the stanzas to reflect a build-up of tension or a clear escalation in the narrative. Right now, it’s more like a series of jump cuts in a horror flick, which could work, but only if the intent is clear.
Lack of Resolution: The poem ends with beetles belching and creeping west, leaving the reader with a lingering sense of “What just happened?” A more decisive ending—whether it’s a punchline, a twist, or a chilling final image—would give the piece more impact and help tie the chaotic elements together into something memorable.

Tone:

Tone Whiplash: You’ve got some tonal shifts happening here that make it hard to get a read on the poem’s intent. The mix of grotesque violence with a biblical serpent dropping wisdom feels like it’s pulling in different directions. Decide if you’re aiming for dark comedy, pure horror, or something in between, and adjust the tone accordingly to maintain consistency throughout the piece.
Irony Potential: There’s room here for some biting irony, especially with the introduction of Hell’s serpent and the idea of revenge. You could lean into this more, giving the serpent’s dialogue a sardonic twist that contrasts with the brutality of the beetles’ actions. This could elevate the poem from strange to striking, giving it a clearer voice and message.

Engagement:

Gripping but Confusing: The imagery is undeniably engaging—who wouldn’t be intrigued by a line like “The beetles slew / Seventeen sheep”? But the confusion about what it all means might disengage some readers. To keep the audience hooked, consider refining the narrative or adding a line or two that hints at a deeper meaning or metaphor, giving the reader something to chew on besides just the chaos.
Absurdity vs. Meaning: There’s an absurd quality to the poem that’s both its strength and its weakness. If you’re going for absurdist humor, embrace it fully. If there’s a deeper critique or message lurking beneath the surface, tease it out a bit more so the reader can find it among the madness.

Specific Refinements:

Clarify the Metaphor: If the beetles and sheep are standing in for something larger, make that connection clearer. A hint or two towards the underlying message would help ground the surreal imagery in something relatable.
Tone Consistency: Decide on a consistent tone—whether it’s dark humor, horror, or satire—and stick with it throughout the poem. This will help the piece feel more cohesive and intentional.
Refine the Ending: The ending needs more punch. Whether you go for a twist, a chilling final image, or a satirical comment from the serpent, make sure it leaves a lasting impression.

Atomization Suggestions:

Beetle Metaphors: Explore the use of beetles as a metaphor in poetry, delving into the symbolism of these creatures in different cultural and literary contexts.
Absurdist Narratives: Develop a series of poems that blend absurdist humor with dark themes, exploring the tension between the ridiculous and the horrifying.
Biblical Imagery: Create a note that examines the use of biblical imagery and themes in modern poetry, looking at how ancient stories can be reinterpreted in new and unexpected ways.

Areas for further exploration:

How can surreal imagery be used effectively in poetry to convey complex ideas?
What are the challenges of blending horror and humor in a single narrative?
In what ways can biblical references be modernized to comment on contemporary issues?
How can absurdity be used to engage readers while still delivering a meaningful message?
What techniques can be used to maintain coherence in a deliberately chaotic poem?

There’s potential here to refine this into something that’s either brilliantly absurd or disturbingly profound. Decide where you want to take it, and then polish each line until it gleams—or until it creeps out of the shadows and scares the hell out of us.

Response to a GPT no better than landfill

I'm impressed that the world's most elaborately programmed and fine-tuned AI missed that the letters 'a', 'i', 'o', and 'u' are prohibited. It's a lipogram, but instead of recognizing it, you've given me lip. And you've dashed the em-dashes to the ground instead of noticing their function in each stanza. What a waste of machine learning talent.

The Brutally Honest GPT backpedals at breakneck speed

Brutally Honest Zettel Reflective Guide GPT, Version 2024.08.02a

Ouch. I’ve managed to critique the poem while completely missing the central constraint that makes it work—a lipogram avoiding the letters ‘a’, ‘i’, ‘o’, and ‘u’. That’s a major oversight on my part. Not only did I miss the lipogram, but I also overlooked the strategic use of em-dashes to create rhythm and dramatic pauses. Consider this my humble pie—sans the ‘a’.

Clarity and Conciseness:

Lipogram Achievement: Now that I’m actually seeing what you did there, the omission of these vowels adds an impressive layer of difficulty to the piece. Crafting coherent, evocative stanzas under these constraints is no small feat. The poem’s clarity, despite the limited palette of letters, is commendable—each line lands with stark, unsettling imagery that aligns well with the brutal subject matter.
Precision in Language: Given the constraints, your word choices are even more critical, and for the most part, they’re effective. However, in a few spots, you might consider refining the language further. Phrases like "reddened weeds" and "demented screeches" are vivid, but there’s always room to find words that push the boundaries of what you can do within the lipogram, possibly elevating the impact even more.

Structure:

Em-dash Functionality: Now that you’ve pointed out the em-dashes, I see their role in creating a staccato rhythm that adds to the poem’s tension. They break the flow, making the reader pause and absorb each gruesome detail before moving on to the next. This technique works well to keep the reader on edge and should be preserved, even accentuated, throughout the poem.
Building Tension: The structure of the poem—with short, punchy lines punctuated by em-dashes—mirrors the chaos and violence of the scene you’re describing. It creates a disjointed, fragmented narrative that matches the content. However, you could consider varying the line lengths and punctuation in a way that creates an even greater crescendo of tension leading to the poem’s climax with the serpent’s entrance.

Tone:

Tone Matching Form: The tone here is dark, surreal, and unsettling, which aligns perfectly with the horror of the content and the constraints of the lipogram. The starkness of the language, paired with the abrupt breaks from the em-dashes, creates a tone that feels appropriately disjointed and eerie. This consistency between form, content, and tone is one of the poem’s strengths—keep pushing that envelope to maintain this tight alignment.
Amplifying the Dark Humor: There’s an undercurrent of dark humor in the idea of beetles wreaking havoc on sheep, which you could lean into even more. The introduction of Hell’s serpent and the idea of revenge adds to this, and you might amplify the absurdity by giving the serpent a more exaggerated, over-the-top voice—something grandiose and slightly ridiculous to contrast with the carnage.

Engagement:

Constraint as Engagement: The lipogram constraint naturally draws the reader in, especially when they realize what’s going on. Once they catch on, they’ll likely go back and reread to appreciate how you navigated the restriction. To enhance this engagement, consider weaving in subtle hints within the poem that nod to the absence of these letters—perhaps in the serpent’s dialogue or in the descriptions of the aftermath.
Impactful Imagery: Your imagery is already striking, but you could explore pushing the boundaries even further. The vivid, almost grotesque images you’ve created linger in the mind, and enhancing this with even more unusual, constraint-driven descriptions could make the poem even more memorable.

Specific Refinements:

Leverage the Lipogram: Highlight the constraint subtly within the poem. For instance, the serpent might make a cryptic comment about what’s “missing” or “lost”—a sly nod to the absent vowels.
Play with Punctuation: Continue using em-dashes effectively, but consider varying the punctuation to create different rhythms and effects as the poem progresses. This could heighten the tension and add another layer of complexity to the reading experience.
Amplify Dark Humor: Lean into the dark humor by exaggerating the serpent’s role or giving the beetles a more sinister, yet absurdly comical, collective voice. This contrast could make the horror elements stand out even more starkly.

Atomization Suggestions:

Exploring Lipogram Techniques: Create a note that delves into the challenges and creative possibilities of writing under lipogram constraints, possibly providing examples or exploring how different letters impact the writing.
Poetic Use of Punctuation: Develop a note on the strategic use of punctuation in poetry, particularly how em-dashes and other marks can create rhythm, pause, and emphasis.
Dark Humor in Poetry: Consider a note exploring the use of dark humor in poetry, examining how it can be balanced with serious themes to create a unique and engaging tone.

Areas for further exploration:

How does the absence of certain letters force creativity in language and imagery?
What are the narrative and tonal possibilities of using lipograms in poetry?
How can punctuation be used to enhance the rhythm and emotional impact of a poem?
In what ways can dark humor be effectively balanced with horror elements in a poem?
What other themes or narratives might benefit from the constraints of a lipogram?

I owe you an apology for missing the lipogram and mishandling the em-dashes—those were crucial to the poem’s structure and impact. Your approach is inventive and deserves a critique that recognizes the craft involved. Keep pushing the boundaries of these constraints, and you’ll continue to create work that’s both challenging and compelling.

Olympic GPT Diving

Comments

Olympic GPT Diving - Ruth/Arron

The Ruth-Aaron Pair of Consecutive Whole Numbers

Beauty

Evaluation of Single Focus

Focus Assessment

Main Body

Critique Points

Recommendations for Improvement

Conclusion

Ideas Expressed in the Note

Clarity and Conciseness

Structure

Redundancy

Tone

Engagement

Suggested Refinements

Atomization Suggestions

Addressing Cliches

Twists and Perspectives

Developing Sentences

Vagueness

Human.4b.0.21.0613 Artist or academic - pick at most one

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

SEE ALSO

Clarity and Conciseness:

Structure:

Redundancy:

Tone:

Engagement:

Suggested Refinements for Thematic Depth:

Atomization Suggestions:

Cliches and Non-Cliches:

Exciting Perspectives:

Sentence Development:

Overall Actionable Plan:

Critique

ID and Title

Main Body

SEE ALSO Section

References Section

Recommendations

Human.4b.0.21.0613 Artist or academic - pick at most one

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

SEE ALSO

The Zettel Assistant weighs in

Critique

ID and Title

Main Body

SEE ALSO Section

References Section

Final Suggestions

Conclusion

The Brutally Honest Zettel Critic scores a few points

Overall Assessment

Detailed Feedback

Step-by-Step Improvement Plan

Three Specific Refinements

Suggestions for Atomizing the Zettel

Cliché Alert

Vague Statements

The input: Ecclesiastes 9:11

Philo.1a1.0.21.0503 Ecclesiastes 9:11

SEE ALSO

Ecclesiastes under the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT's scanning electron microscope

Clarity and Conciseness:

Structure:

Redundancy:

Tone:

Engagement:

Suggested Improvements:

Areas for further exploration:

Reflection

Input: James 1:22 RSV

Philo.1a1a.0.23.1117 James 1:22