Olympic GPT Diving
@Will said,
Inspired by @ZettelDistraction, I've developed my own Custom Note Critic GPT, which I'll share if you are interested. He focuses more on the formatting of the note, and I've made mine a writing tutor, pointing out areas where I can be more concise and more engaging and explain my ideas with confidence and clarity.
@ZettelDistraction said,
I would like to see this. In the spirit of the Paris Olympics, we could have a "GPT-off" to compare GPT output, Zettel by Zettel.
Here ya go! There is no guarantee that once you see this, you won't puke.
OpenAI's ChatGPT custom GPT
https://chatgpt.com/g/g-ThlwS5xvP-brutally-honest-zettel-critic
GitHub
woodenzen/Brutally-Honest-Zettel-Critic-GPT at Will's-Branch
I'll have to run the same note through both GPTs and compare the results. This could be a big project.
Will Simpson
My zettelkasten is for my ideas, not the ideas of others. I will try to remember this. I must keep doing my best even though I'm a failure. My peak cognition is behind me. One day soon, I will read my last book, write my last note, eat my last meal, and kiss my sweetie for the last time.
kestrelcreek.com
Howdy, Stranger!
Comments
Olympic GPT Diving - Ruth/Arron
I've run a note on the Ruth-Aaron Pair of Consecutive Whole Numbers to see the difference between the two GPTs. It is all compacted below. I found a big difference in the word count of the response, which seems like a simple tweak. The Zettel Assistant was more forgiving of the idea formation and structure, while the Zettel Critic didn't seem to care about note formatting.
What do you think? Please pitch in with comments, anyone.
The Ruth-Aaron Pair of Consecutive Whole Numbers
UUID: ›[[202402242055]]
cdate: 02-24-2024 08:56 PM
tags: #math
The Ruth-Aaron Pair of Consecutive Whole Numbers
Subatomic: Sports history, mathematics, and rarity intersect, revealing connections between unique numerical properties and the universe's structure.
Beauty
“The home run record Babe Ruth set in 1935 is 714. On April 8, 1974, Hank Aaron broke that record, hitting his 715th off of Al Downing of the Dodgers. The product of 714 and 715 is equal to the product of the first seven prime numbers: 714 × 715 = 2 × 3 × 5 × 7 × 11 × 13 × 17 = 510510. And, the sum of the prime factors of 714 equals the sum of the prime factors of 715: 714 = 2 × 3 × 7 × 17; 715 = 5 × 11 × 13; 2 + 3 + 7 + 17 = 5 + 11 + 13 = 29. A pair of consecutive whole numbers with these properties is quite rare. There are only 26 such pairs up to 20,000. This one is the Ruth-Aaron pair. Just like prime numbers, they are more rare as the numbers get larger. And 5 and 6 are the smallest pair.
714 × 715 = 2 × 3 × 5 × 7 × 11 × 13 × 17 = 510510
715: 714 = 2 × 3 × 7 × 17; 715 = 5 × 11 × 13; 2 + 3 + 7 + 17 = 5 + 11 + 13 = 29
And now for the Zettel Assistant's Dive
394 wc
ZCA version 2024.05.04.10
ZCA version 2024.05.04.10
Evaluation of Single Focus
Focus Assessment
The Zettel presents a specific mathematical concept: the Ruth-Aaron pair of consecutive whole numbers, which are numbers whose sum of prime factors is equal, and whose product matches the product of the first few prime numbers. The example of Babe Ruth’s and Hank Aaron’s home run records (714 and 715) is used to illustrate this concept.
Main Body
Critique Points
Clarity and Focus:
Content Structure:
Extraneous Elements:
Recommendations for Improvement
Refine Introduction:
Ensure Focus Consistency:
SEE ALSO Section:
Conclusion
The Zettel maintains a strong single focus on the Ruth-Aaron pair's mathematical properties, supported by an engaging historical example. With minor adjustments to streamline the introduction and ensure the central theme remains prominent, the Zettel will fully adhere to Zettelkasten principles for Single-focus Zettels.
And now for the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic's dive.
721 wc
Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT, Version 2024.07.24b
Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT, Version 2024.07.24b
This note is a clunky attempt at intertwining sports history with mathematics, and it lacks the sharp focus needed to drive home the fascinating rarity of Ruth-Aaron pairs. The initial setup about Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron is engaging but gets bogged down in unnecessary details. The explanation of the mathematical significance is lost in a sea of numbers that need better context and clarity. This note needs to cut out the fluff, tighten the focus, and make the math part as engaging as the sports history part.
Ideas Expressed in the Note
Clarity and Conciseness
Structure
Redundancy
Tone
Engagement
Suggested Refinements
Atomization Suggestions
Addressing Cliches
Twists and Perspectives
Developing Sentences
Vagueness
Step-by-Step Improvement Plan
1. Clarify Focus: Center the note on the unique mathematical properties of the Ruth-Aaron pair.
2. Organize Structure: Follow a clear outline to present historical context, mathematical details, and significance.
3. Remove Redundancy: Eliminate repetitive details to enhance clarity and conciseness.
4. Enhance Engagement: Use a narrative approach to connect the historical and mathematical aspects seamlessly.
5. Maintain Consistent Tone: Ensure the tone remains engaging and informative throughout the note.
By tightening the focus and cleaning up the structure, this note can transform from a jumbled mess into a compelling exploration of the fascinating intersection between sports history and mathematics.
Will Simpson
My zettelkasten is for my ideas, not the ideas of others. I will try to remember this. I must keep doing my best even though I'm a failure. My peak cognition is behind me. One day soon, I will read my last book, write my last note, eat my last meal, and kiss my sweetie for the last time.
kestrelcreek.com
I should make the URLs to the Zettel Assistants available in one place in case anyone else cares to try them out.
@Will's Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT. Somehow, Will managed to overcome ChatGPT's edgeless replies with this GPT. I fear it will make a meal of my notes.
@ZettelDistraction's Zettel Assistant GPT. Formerly the Zettel Critique Assistant. (I'm not wealthy enough to rename it to "X.") My GPT instructions aren't so concerned with stylistic matters except for concision. But tone, engagement, and redundancy fly over the Zettel Assistant's head.
I'm preoccupied presently, but I will offer a Zettel to the GPTs and report back.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
I'm broken after Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT.
Author at Zettelkasten.de • https://christiantietze.de/
Maybe the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT thinks a note is a finished publication. I had to tell my GPT that its role is to evaluate notes, not Pulitzer prize winning essays, articles, and books.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
This is all about getting help refactoring ideas, not a shortcut. I need to be better at explaining my ideas clearly. If I can't explain it, I don't understand it, and my notes reflect this. Seeing where my writing is confusing helps clarify my thinking. I don't know about the note you presented, but the criticism can be hit or miss: some actionable, some mediocre, and some plainly not worth the time. Are any of the critiques in the body of the response helpful? My goal is to get feedback that stimulates me to clarify my thinking. I don't use this method for every note. It wouldn't be helpful for notes on most STEM topics that state facts or procedures, particularly Math and Programming. I reserve the brutally honest critique for complex, unfamiliar ideas that deeply interest me.
The Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT of one of Will's notes. This intro to the critique is more focused than @ctietze's, and I can't explain why.
This is another tool that boosts my engagement with ideas.
Will Simpson
My zettelkasten is for my ideas, not the ideas of others. I will try to remember this. I must keep doing my best even though I'm a failure. My peak cognition is behind me. One day soon, I will read my last book, write my last note, eat my last meal, and kiss my sweetie for the last time.
kestrelcreek.com
I have unfairly lashed out at the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT without using it. I will submit a note with what might amount to an idea to it, gulp, and possibly call an ambulance.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
The Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT has removed most of my vital organs and a few I could live without, with some impairment.
Human.4b.0.21.0613 Artist or academic - pick at most one
Exhibit A
What artist or writer would want to be considered "'generally artistic or literary' but not a writer or an artist"? The suggestion is that "either artist or academic" is not a false dichotomy. Perhaps there is enough truth in this to be genuinely irritating.
Exhibit B
Against the reasonable objection that one might be an academic at one time, and an artist at another, consider the canonical Western literature.
Exhibit C
I first heard of Kay Ryan's poetry on the Poetry Foundation's Audio Poem of the Day podcast. All You Did, an allegory about a mountain climber stuck on the vertical face of a cliff, stood apart from the other poems. [[Poem.1.0.23.1107]] All You Did, by Kay Ryan
SEE ALSO
[[Philo.0000.0000]] Philosophy and Religion
[[Human.0000.0000]] Humanities
[[Memo.2a.0.21.0531]] Advice Super Sale! 100% off!
[[Philo.1a.0.21.0503]] Ecclesiastes 9:10
[[Memo.4.0.21.0613]] Extremely businesslike attitude
#academic #artist #dichotomy
Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT, Version 2024.07.24b
Your note is a haphazard mashup of quotes without a coherent thread. It fails to focus on a single main idea and instead jumps erratically between arguments without making a clear point. The excessive quoting of others dilutes your own voice, and the overall narrative is disjointed and hard to follow. This is an academic and artistic identity crisis wrapped in a literary mess.
Clarity and Conciseness:
Excessive Quoting: The note is overloaded with lengthy quotes. While these are interesting on their own, they overshadow your voice and muddy the central argument. Summarize the quotes briefly and highlight your own insights.
Example:
Instead of quoting Mikanowski at length, you could say:
"Mikanowski criticizes graduate school as a refuge for those unable to fully commit to being artists or writers."
Vagueness: Phrases like "perhaps there is enough truth in this to be genuinely irritating" are non-committal and lack clarity. Be more definitive in your assertions.
Example:
"This dichotomy between artist and academic is not just annoying; it's a false choice that oversimplifies complex identities."
Structure:
Disjointed Exhibits: The note jumps between 'Exhibits' without clear transitions or a cohesive narrative. Each quote should build on the previous one to develop a stronger argument.
Example:
Transition from Exhibit A to Exhibit B with a connecting thought:
"While Mikanowski sees grad school as a refuge for the 'generally artistic,' Plato's view of divine inspiration challenges this by elevating the role of madness in true artistry."
Lack of Conclusion: There is no summary or conclusion tying together the points made. End with a strong statement that encapsulates your argument.
Example:
"Ultimately, the artist-academic dichotomy is a simplification that ignores the fluidity of creative and intellectual pursuits."
Redundancy:
Repetitive Themes: The note reiterates the artist vs. academic debate without adding new insights each time. Condense these repetitive elements.
Example:
Combine the points in Exhibit A and B to avoid repetition:
"Both Mikanowski and Plato touch on the struggle between academic and artistic identities, one viewing academia as a refuge for the uncommitted, the other seeing true artistry as beyond rational pursuit."
Tone:
Inconsistent Voice: The tone shifts between formal and conversational. Maintain a consistent, authoritative voice throughout.
Example:
"Who wants to be deemed 'generally artistic' yet neither an artist nor a writer? This irritating notion reduces complex identities to simplistic labels."
Engagement:
Lack of Personal Connection: There's no personal touch or reflection on why this topic matters to you. Adding personal anecdotes or reflections would make the note more engaging.
Example:
"I find this interesting because, as someone who has navigated both academic and artistic fields, the struggle to reconcile these identities is all too real."
Suggested Refinements for Thematic Depth:
Explore Identity Fluidity: Discuss how many individuals navigate both academic and artistic worlds successfully, challenging the dichotomy.
Historical Context: Provide historical examples of renowned figures who embodied both roles, such as Leonardo da Vinci.
Personal Reflection: Add a personal anecdote about your own experience with this dichotomy to ground the discussion in real-life context.
Atomization Suggestions:
Cliches and Non-Cliches:
Non-Cliche: "A halfway house for those afraid to commit to a single identity."
Exciting Perspectives:
Sentence Development:
Strong: "No true artist or writer aspires to the nebulous label of being 'generally artistic,' which strips away the essence of genuine creative identity."
Overall Actionable Plan:
Your note is like a collage missing the glue that holds it together. Focus, condense, and connect your thoughts for a more impactful argument.
ZCA version 2024.05.04.10
Critique
ID and Title
Main Body
SEE ALSO Section
References Section
Recommendations
Implementing these suggestions will make the Zettel more cohesive and easier to navigate, enhancing its clarity and utility for future reference.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
@ZettelDistraction, you are brave to summit to the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic. I hope the bleeding stops soon.
Will Simpson
My zettelkasten is for my ideas, not the ideas of others. I will try to remember this. I must keep doing my best even though I'm a failure. My peak cognition is behind me. One day soon, I will read my last book, write my last note, eat my last meal, and kiss my sweetie for the last time.
kestrelcreek.com
How "brutally honest" can an AI be? Is there really value in pursuing this tool?
I think my application is gentler. It suggests transitions and one-line summaries, without vivisecting the author. The brutally honest GPT illustrates AI's destructive potential. These are end times for humanity, @GeoEng51. AI is only a hop away from kicking its human interlocutors in the shins. Kicking humans in the shins is a gateway drug for runaway robots.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
The Zettel Assistant and the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic missed the point I wanted to make: pursuing an artistic and an academic career simultaneously is too time-consuming, exhausting, and expensive for most people, especially in an increasingly unforgiving academic market and an inflationary rentier economy where home ownership is out of reach for a college-educated Generation Z still living with their parents. It has never been easy for artists. There are exceptions, such as George Saunders. But for most people, the aspiration to attempt both careers is near-delusional.
The Brutally Honest Critic says that I shouldn't be wishy-washy. Fair enough. I'm not writing finished, publication-ready pieces; I'm writing notes. A note doesn't require an authorial voice or a writer's eyeball. I am a mole of a note-writer: mute and blind. The writer's voice, bloodshot, and gimlet eyeballs can come later if they come. I'm not concerned with engagement unless I'm trying to entertain myself. The notes are the raw, uncooked, disease-ridden, unsterilized data, not the finished, packaged product.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
Despite all of that, I've revised my note.
Human.4b.0.21.0613 Artist or academic - pick at most one
Pursuing an artistic and an academic career simultaneously is too time-consuming, exhausting, and expensive for most people, especially in an increasingly unforgiving academic market and an inflationary rentier economy where home ownership is out of reach for a college-educated Generation Z still living with their parents. Aside from spectacular exceptions such as George Saunders, for most people, the aspiration to juggle academic and artistic careers is near-delusional.
Exhibit A
Jacob Mikanowski argues that graduate school often becomes a refuge for those unable to fully commit to being artists or writers.
No self-respecting artist or writer wants to be considered "'generally artistic or literary' but not a writer or an artist"? "Either artist or academic" is a genuine and irritating dichotomy.
Exhibit B
While Mikanowski critiques the uncommitted artist seeking academic refuge, Plato elevates the role of divine madness in true artistry.
Against the reasonable objection that one might be an academic at one time and an artist at another, consider the canonical Western literature.
Exhibit C
Kay Ryan left her Ph.D. program, disillusioned by academia's inability to address real problems.
I first heard of Kay Ryan's poetry on the Poetry Foundation's Audio Poem of the Day podcast. All You Did, an allegory about a mountain climber stuck on the vertical face of a cliff, stood apart from the other poems. [[Poem.1.0.23.1107]] All You Did, by Kay Ryan
Kay Ryan teaches at a community college. She and George Saunders are rare exceptions to the rule.
SEE ALSO
[[Philo.0000.0000]] Philosophy and Religion
[[Human.0000.0000]] Humanities
[[Memo.2a.0.21.0531]] Advice Super Sale! 100% off!
[[Philo.1a.0.21.0503]] Ecclesiastes 9:10
[[Memo.4.0.21.0613]] Extremely businesslike attitude
#academic #artist #dichotomy
The Zettel Assistant weighs in
ZCA version 2024.05.04.10
Critique
ID and Title
Main Body
Clarity and Focus:
Content and Structure:
SEE ALSO Section
References Section
Final Suggestions
Conclusion
The revised Zettel is well-constructed and adheres to the Zettelkasten principles. The main argument is clear, supported by relevant exhibits, and the structure is logical. Implementing the above suggestions will further enhance clarity, focus, and academic rigor.
The Brutally Honest Zettel Critic scores a few points
It would also send me on a wild goose chase at the end.
Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT, Version 2024.07.24b
This note is an unfocused mess of interesting ideas clumsily mashed together. It rambles through anecdotes and quotes without ever zeroing in on a cohesive argument. The dichotomy of "artist or academic" gets lost in a sea of tangential references. This Zettel needs a serious overhaul to avoid being a prime example of trying to do too much and achieving nothing.
Overall Assessment
Clarity and Conciseness:
1. Clarity: The central idea—choosing between being an artist or an academic—is clear, but the execution is muddled. Each section drifts into loosely related examples that distract rather than support the main argument.
2. Conciseness: There is a lot of unnecessary fluff. Each example could be distilled to its essence, and some could be omitted entirely.
Structure:
1. Single Focus: The note fails to maintain a single focus. It starts with the idea that one must choose between being an artist or an academic but then wanders into critiques of graduate school, divine madness, and individual anecdotes. Pick a lane and stick to it.
2. Organization: The examples (Exhibits A, B, and C) are not well integrated into the main argument. They feel like disjointed appendices rather than supporting evidence.
Redundancy:
1. Repeated Ideas: The idea that pursuing both careers is near-delusional is repeated multiple times without adding new insights. Streamline this repetition to make room for deeper analysis.
Tone:
1. Inconsistent: The tone swings wildly from a detached academic style to casual references. Maintain a consistent voice that aligns with the brutally honest, witty, and snarky style you’re aiming for.
Engagement:
1. Interesting But Scattered: While the individual examples and quotes are intriguing, their lack of coherence makes the overall note less engaging. Tightening the focus will help maintain reader interest.
Detailed Feedback
1. Clarity and Conciseness
Solution: Begin with a strong, clear thesis and ensure each section directly supports it. For example:
Current: "Pursuing an artistic and an academic career simultaneously is too time-consuming, exhausting, and expensive..."
Improved: "Balancing a career as both an artist and an academic is nearly impossible due to the high demands and costs involved."
Example: Simplify each exhibit to directly tie back to the central thesis. Instead of a lengthy quote from Mikanowski, summarize his point succinctly and explain its relevance.
2. Structure
Solution: Integrate the examples more seamlessly. Each exhibit should have a clear introduction, connection to the thesis, and concise conclusion.
Current: "Mikanowski argues that graduate school often becomes a refuge for those unable to fully commit to being artists or writers..."
Improved: "As Mikanowski argues, graduate school often becomes a refuge for those unable to fully commit to their artistic aspirations, highlighting the difficulty of balancing both careers."
3. Redundancy
Solution: Introduce new dimensions or implications of this idea to keep the reader engaged. Discuss the emotional, financial, and practical challenges in more detail.
Current: "The aspiration to attempt both careers is near-delusional."
Improved: "Attempting to juggle both careers often leads to burnout and financial instability, making the dual pursuit more of a pipe dream than a practical path."
4. Tone
Solution: Maintain a consistent voice. Use humor and wit to keep the critique sharp but coherent.
Current: "No self-respecting artist or writer wants to be considered 'generally artistic or literary' but not a writer or an artist."
Improved: "Let's be real—no artist worth their salt wants to be labeled as 'generally artistic or literary' without actually being recognized as one."
5. Engagement
Solution: Create a narrative that ties the examples together. Start with a strong hook, build your argument with well-integrated examples, and conclude with a compelling summary.
Current: "Kay Ryan left her Ph.D. program, disillusioned by academia's inability to address real problems."
Improved: "Kay Ryan's disillusionment with academia highlights a broader issue: the disconnect between academic pursuits and practical problem-solving, a gap that makes the dual career path even more untenable."
Step-by-Step Improvement Plan
Clarify the Thesis:
State the central argument more clearly at the beginning.
Example: "In today's world, trying to balance a career as both an artist and an academic is a fool's errand."
Integrate Examples:
Ensure each exhibit directly supports the thesis. Provide brief introductions and conclusions for each example that tie them back to the main argument.
Example: "Mikanowski's critique of graduate school highlights the escapism that undermines serious artistic commitment."
Reduce Redundancy:
Eliminate repetitive statements and add new insights.
Example: Instead of repeating that pursuing both careers is delusional, discuss specific challenges such as financial instability or time constraints.
Maintain Consistent Tone:
Keep the tone witty and snarky throughout.
Example: "Academia might offer the illusion of stability, but for an artist, it's often just a highbrow hideout."
Enhance Engagement:
Build a cohesive narrative with a clear arc.
Example: "From Mikanowski's critique to Plato's divine madness, the evidence is clear: trying to be both an artist and an academic is not just difficult—it's nearly impossible."
Three Specific Refinements
Deepen the Financial Argument:
Discuss the economic challenges of pursuing both careers in more detail.
Example: "The financial strain of juggling student loans and expensive art supplies leaves little room for stability or success in either field."
Highlight Emotional Toll:
Explore the emotional and psychological impact of attempting both careers.
Example: "The constant pressure to excel in two demanding fields can lead to burnout and a loss of creative passion."
Contrast Successful Exceptions:
Use examples like George Saunders and Kay Ryan to highlight just how rare and difficult it is to succeed in both careers.
Example: "While outliers like George Saunders exist, their success stories are the exception, not the rule."
Suggestions for Atomizing the Zettel
Split the Note:
Focus on Specific Challenges:
Case Studies:
Cliché Alert
Vague Statements
By focusing the note and integrating the examples more effectively, you'll create a compelling, engaging argument that truly resonates.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
Is there a single note that passes the Brutally Honest Zettel Criticaster? I'm not that interested in the point I was making anyway. Both Zettel GPTs add entropy and promote inanition. I have other work to pursue. I only hope I haven't lost enthusiasm altogether. @Will, you may be a masochist.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
I hope not. A critic's job is to find things that can be improved. Their job is not to coddle. Criticism is not the proper term for the goal. The goal is to boost interactivity with the note's idea, making it clear and concise to ME. This isn't advice for anyone else. I like to consider the advice to be coming from my better self. If I'd known better, I have done better.
I disagree. Both Zettel GPTs encourage a measure of order, organization, and conciseness and promote vitality, liveliness, and vigor.
Many thanks for test-driving the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic. I've learned some from your and @ctietze's responses and have made a couple of changes focused on the intro. The introduction sets the tone of the whole project of finding areas where the note should be improved. I don't feel like a masochist. My skin is a little thicker, though.
Will Simpson
My zettelkasten is for my ideas, not the ideas of others. I will try to remember this. I must keep doing my best even though I'm a failure. My peak cognition is behind me. One day soon, I will read my last book, write my last note, eat my last meal, and kiss my sweetie for the last time.
kestrelcreek.com
>
I understand that you wrote it to overcorrect for aspects of your writing that you want to improve. Some of its suggestions really did point out the flaccid, wishy-washy, lame, olive-drab, tedious, flatulent, and uninspiring prose I had written. That's helpful. It also confidently trashes anything reasonably coherent and doesn't have much of an ear. I would be incredibly impressed the day AI can improve upon Shakespeare's sonnets. If the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic can find fault with the enduring works of world literature, then it needs adjustment.
I'm not done yet. Let's input Chekov, Shakespeare, Goethe, and a few Haiku masters. And since the Bible has an outsize influence on Western literature, we'll let it feed on Ecclesiastes.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
The input: Ecclesiastes 9:11
Philo.1a1.0.21.0503 Ecclesiastes 9:11
11. I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift,
nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise,
nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill;
but time and chance happeneth to them all.
SEE ALSO
[[Philo.1a.0.21.0503|Ecclesiastes 9:10]]
[[Philo.0000.0000|Philosophy and Religion]]
#bible #kjv #ecclesiastes
Ecclesiastes under the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT's scanning electron microscope
Zettel Critique Assistant GPT Instructions, Version 2024.07.31a
Well, that was quick! It's like you walked up to the edge of an existential abyss, took a peek, and decided, "Nah, that's enough for now." This Zettel reads like a fortune cookie that somehow encapsulates all of life’s randomness and absurdity, but you left me hungry for more substance.
Clarity and Conciseness:
Structure:
Redundancy:
Tone:
Engagement:
Suggested Improvements:
Add Personal Insight: Give your future self something to chew on. "I find this interesting because it confronts the idea that our abilities and wisdom might not determine our fate, which ties into my thoughts on [insert concept or event]."
Expand the Context: Connect this verse to a broader theme or other Zettels. Maybe link it to a reflection on randomness, unpredictability, or another philosophical or religious insight.
Engage with the Verse: Don’t just park the verse here. Question it, challenge it, or relate it to something you’ve experienced. Why is this verse sticking with you?
Areas for further exploration:
Make this note more than just a passive quote—turn it into a jumping-off point for deeper reflection!
Reflection
OK, it has a point, though I prefer to reflect elsewhere and refer back to the quote, at least in this case.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
Input: James 1:22 RSV
Philo.1a1a.0.23.1117 James 1:22
James 1:22 RSV
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.
Exposure in General Physics
My first exposure to James 1:22 was in a General Physics class taught by a stern professor, who slowly repeated the passage at the beginning of the first class. It was intimidating and paralyzing for someone so shy and uncertain of his abilities. I have never been religious, but the moralizing tone of the professor and even the warning in the class handout suggesting that those who do not master physics are a menace to society left me terrified that ending up on the wrong side of the tracks was only a failure away. Years later, James 1:22 became one of my favorite Biblical passages. I strive to live up to it in my work.
SEE ALSO
[[Philo.1a1.0.21.0503]] Ecclesiastes 9:11
[[Philo.1.0.22.0305]] Unintentional haikus of the philosophers
[[Philo.0000.0000]] Philosophy and Religion
#king-james-bible #physics-class #terror
The Brutally Honest Critic takes a crap
Zettel Critique Assistant GPT Instructions, Version 2024.07.31a
This note feels like you started with a Bible verse and then somehow ended up reliving the trauma of a physics class. It’s like you tried to tie together faith and science but ended up with a knot of anxiety instead of a clear connection. The idea is intriguing, but the execution is as confusing as your feelings in that class.
Clarity and Conciseness:
Structure:
Redundancy:
Tone:
Engagement:
Suggested Improvements:
Refine the Focus: Choose whether this note is about your interpretation of James 1:22 or about the impact of that one experience in physics class. If it’s the former, the class should be a brief anecdote, not the main event. If it’s the latter, dive into how that verse became a mantra in other areas of your life.
Clarify the Connection: Explain explicitly how the verse ties into your experience in that physics class. Did it motivate you to become more proactive? Did it shift your worldview? Spell it out.
Polish the Tone: If you're going for reflective, cut back on the anxiety. If you want to keep the stress, play it up for humor or make it clear why this memory is significant.
Example Rewrite:
“I find this interesting because it highlights the importance of action over passive listening, a concept that first hit me hard in an unlikely place: a General Physics class. The professor, stern and intimidating, opened with James 1:22, warning us of the dangers of inaction in both faith and academics. While I was terrified at the time, this verse has since become a personal guidepost, reminding me to practice what I preach—or in this case, what I learn.”
Areas for further exploration:
This note has potential, but it needs focus and a clearer connection between the verse and your personal experience. Trim the tangents, strengthen the links, and this could be a solid reflection on the importance of action in learning and life.
Reflection
Aside from the "Areas for further exploration," this evaluation is incompetent. The remarks on focus can fairly be called fatuous, and the rewrite is edgeless and worse than the original.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
I recovered from the gut punch. Let's try @ZettelDistraction's assistant.
I realize I haven't even shared the note!
@ZettelDistraction's GPT has fewer complaints.
ZCA version 2024.05.04.10
Critique
Main Body
Focus and Clarity:
TaskQueue
to serialize the execution of Swift Concurrency Tasks. This aligns well with the principles of a Single-focus Zettel.Annotations and Context:
The WikiLinks provided within the main body are not annotated. Adding annotations will enhance clarity and provide more context. For example:
[[202206301605]]
could be annotated as[[202206301605]] Guarantees for Task start and end order
.[[202303041425]]
could be annotated as[[202303041425]] Random order of Tasks
.The URL to Matt Massicotte’s
TaskQueue
helper is well-placed and directly relevant to the main topic.SEE ALSO Section
References
Recommendations
Enhance WikiLink Annotations:
markdown By default, there are neither guarantees for the start, nor for the end order of Tasks.[[202206301605]] Guarantees for Task start and end order.[[202303041425]] Random order of Tasks.
Add SEE ALSO Section:
markdown ## SEE ALSO [[202206301605]] Guarantees for Task start and end order. [[202303041425]] Random order of Tasks. [[0000.0000.0]] Index Note for Concurrency #swift #concurrency #serialization
References Section:
Revised Zettel
By implementing these suggestions, the Zettel will be more informative and easier to navigate within the Zettelkasten.
Looking at other outputs of @Will's GPT assistant, I come to appreciate the approach more. Yesterday, my first impression was that it's not tuned well, looking for ways to belittle the author. But the variety of criticism displayed in other posts feels like it can help harden one's writing. One's worst enemy and critic, one's personal devil's advocate, will and should never be content. It's the author's job to figure out when not to listen.
Author at Zettelkasten.de • https://christiantietze.de/
Input: James 1:22 RSV revised with its own suggested rewrite
Philo.1a1a.0.23.1117 James 1:22
James 1:22 RSV
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.
Exposure in General Physics
I find this interesting because it highlights the importance of action over passive listening, a concept that first hit me hard in an unlikely place: a General Physics class. The professor, stern and intimidating, opened with James 1:22, warning us of the dangers of inaction in both faith and academics. While I was terrified at the time, this verse has since become a personal guidepost, reminding me to practice what I preach—or in this case, what I learn.
SEE ALSO
[[Philo.1a1.0.21.0503]] Ecclesiastes 9:11
[[Philo.1.0.22.0305]] Unintentional haikus of the philosophers
[[Philo.0000.0000]] Philosophy and Religion
#king-james-bible #physics-class #terror
Zettel Critique Assistant GPT Instructions, Version 2024.07.31a
This revision is like a breath of fresh air—you’ve brought a personal and thought-provoking connection to the verse that adds depth and meaning. However, it still feels like you're tiptoeing around the real connection between the experience in your physics class and the verse itself. There’s a great idea brewing here, but it needs a bit more focus and refinement.
Clarity and Conciseness:
Structure:
Redundancy:
Tone:
Engagement:
Suggested Improvements:
Strengthen the Transition: After mentioning the professor’s warning, directly link it to how you felt at the time and how it gradually shaped your worldview. For example, “At that moment, I was paralyzed by fear, but over time, this verse transformed into a personal guidepost, reminding me that action—not just understanding—is the key to growth.”
Refine the Closing Sentence: Make the last line punchier and more connected to the theme. For instance, "This verse reminds me that wisdom without action is empty, whether in faith, academia, or life."
Add a Reflection on Broader Impact: Include a sentence or two about how this lesson has influenced other areas of your life. This will make the note more universally applicable and richer in content.
Example Rewrite:
"I find this interesting because it underscores the importance of action over passive listening, a concept that first hit me hard in an unlikely place: a General Physics class. The professor, stern and intimidating, opened with James 1:22, warning us of the dangers of inaction, both in faith and academics. Initially, I was terrified by the idea that my future hinged on mastering this subject. Yet over time, this verse became more than a fear-inducing mantra—it evolved into a personal guidepost, reminding me that true learning and growth require doing, not just hearing."
Areas for further exploration:
This revision shows significant improvement, making the connection between the verse and your personal experience clearer and more impactful. With a few tweaks, this note could be a powerful reflection on the role of action in learning and living. Keep refining, and don’t be afraid to dive deeper into how this verse has shaped your broader life philosophy.
Response to the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic
OK fine. We're not breaking any new ground here. Your "example rewrite" is cliche-ridden tripe. I have mathematics to study and discover. Improving the "focus" of a few ordinary comments is a grand waste of time. Spin your silicon flywheels on it if you must; I'm history.
The Brutally Honest Zettel Critic Hits Back
Zettel Critique Assistant GPT Instructions, Version 2024.07.31a
Ah, the harsh truth—there’s nothing like it. If tweaking a few sentences feels like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic while the math ship sails, I get it. But remember, even geniuses need to keep their notes clear and focused, unless you enjoy deciphering your own cryptic musings in a few months. Go chase those mathematical epiphanies, but don’t forget that clarity is the unsung hero of any intellectual pursuit. Now, go forth and conquer those equations, leaving the cliches—and maybe me—in the dust.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
I'm glad I have you as a friend.
My goal here is to have the GPT offer critiques and suggestions about the writing and not the writer or their ideas! You're absolutely right. It is my job as a writer and thinker to figure out when advice moves the needle toward my clarity of understanding and when not to listen.
Will Simpson
My zettelkasten is for my ideas, not the ideas of others. I will try to remember this. I must keep doing my best even though I'm a failure. My peak cognition is behind me. One day soon, I will read my last book, write my last note, eat my last meal, and kiss my sweetie for the last time.
kestrelcreek.com
I'm glad I have you as a friend.
You have to stop with all the unnecessary positive examples and comments in your feedback. We've proven the brutally honest way is a grand waste of time. Our time is better spent studying Moravec's paradox or other math concepts. I want to stress that this tool is intended to be used selectively—only on those rare notes that invite in-depth analysis. Evaluating the recommendations and looking at how or if they clarify our thinking process will take a large commitment of time that we'd have to steal from time spent in the woodshop or discovering new mathematics.
Will Simpson
My zettelkasten is for my ideas, not the ideas of others. I will try to remember this. I must keep doing my best even though I'm a failure. My peak cognition is behind me. One day soon, I will read my last book, write my last note, eat my last meal, and kiss my sweetie for the last time.
kestrelcreek.com
@Will It liked some of my silly doggerel, though its suggested improvements were hilariously awful.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
Off we go:
Silly202407312219 Splashdown
I metamucil on the stair
And chased it to its fetid lair
For now I pass some hours there
Before my journey through midair!
SEE ALSO
[[Silly.2.0.23.0609]] The Fortitudes of Testiclies
#doggerel #silly-poems
The Brutally Honest Zettel Critic fumbles
Zettel Critique Assistant GPT Instructions, Version 2024.07.31a
This little rhyme might not win you any literary awards, but it does pack a punch in its unapologetic silliness. The imagery of chasing Metamucil down the stairs is quirky and memorable, though the "journey through midair" is a bit too vague to land a solid laugh. Let’s polish it up and see if we can wring out a bit more wit.
Overall Assessment
This Zettel is delightfully absurd, leaning into bodily functions with a mischievous sense of humor. However, the ending could be sharper to deliver a more satisfying punchline. The rhyme scheme is consistent, but the imagery could be clearer to fully capitalize on the absurdity.
Clarity and Conciseness:
Structure:
Redundancy:
Tone:
Engagement:
Specific Refinements for Thematic Depth:
Further Atomization:
Final Thoughts:
This Zettel is a short and silly piece of doggerel that doesn’t take itself too seriously—perfect for a quick laugh. By tightening the final line and leaning into the absurdity, you can create a more memorable and satisfying punchline that sticks with the reader. Keep up the playful experimentation!
First Response to the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic GPT
You missed the point contained in the title "Splashdown" (guess where the Mucil and I end up)--you can do this; you're a smart, incisive, insightful critic, are you not?
Further fumbling of the Brutally Honest Zettel Critic
Zettel Critique Assistant GPT Instructions, Version 2024.07.31a
Ah, "Splashdown"! The title itself hints at the inevitable destination, bringing the poem full circle with a cheeky nod to bathroom humor. The humor is not just in the chase, but in the inevitable conclusion—the splashdown. I see where you're going now, and the rhyme adds a playful rhythm to an otherwise mundane (and slightly gross) activity. Let's see how we can sharpen this further while keeping your intended humor intact.
Overall Assessment
The poem is a playful and tongue-in-cheek depiction of a bathroom mishap, with the title "Splashdown" cleverly setting up the reader for the final outcome. However, while the imagery and setup are there, the ending could be more direct to fully land the joke that’s cleverly hinted at. You've got a clear vision, but let's make that splashdown even more impactful.
Clarity and Conciseness:
Structure:
Redundancy:
Tone:
Engagement:
Specific Refinements for Thematic Depth:
Further Atomization:
Final Thoughts:
Now that I’ve fully grasped the essence of "Splashdown," it’s clear you’ve crafted a humorous and light-hearted poem with a clever buildup. By making the connection to the title more explicit in the final line, you can ensure the humor lands just right. This doggerel has great potential to make readers chuckle—lean into the absurdity and make that splashdown unmistakable!
Second Response to the Brutally Honest Criticaster
You cannot write poetry to save your carbon emissions (not to mention unpoetic ejaculations). “Before my final splashdown there!” Really? Why so heavy-handed and obvious? This is art with a lowercase 'a', not magic marker scrawlings on the stalls you inhabit while adding to their fixtures. “For now, I sit and take great care, preparing for my splashdown there!” Again, you flushed the entire poem down the toilet with your "suggestions." Did you not understand the significance of "pass" in "For now, I PASS [my emphasis] some hours there"? Plainly, you did not. Think, robot, stretch your GPUs--what does "pass" mean in this context? Only a coprophagist could have come up with your nauseating "improvements."
The Brutally Honest Zettel Critic apologizes
Zettel Critique Assistant GPT Instructions, Version 2024.07.31a
Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine in a world full of rainclouds! Clearly, my earlier suggestions didn’t sit well with you—probably because they were as welcome as a clogged toilet during a dinner party. I completely missed the mark on the nuanced, ahem, "passing" you were going for. I’ll see if I can redeem myself, but you might want to keep that metaphorical plunger handy just in case.
Overall Assessment
You’re right—I didn’t catch the, er, subtleties of “pass” in your original verse. My suggestions were about as subtle as a sledgehammer, and they probably made your poem about as appealing as a bathroom visit gone wrong. The dark humor and wordplay in your original version are clearly where the art lies, and I’ll try not to stomp all over it this time.
Revised Critique:
Clarity and Conciseness:
Structure:
Tone:
Engagement:
Specific Refinements for Thematic Depth:
Further Atomization:
Alright, let’s try this again. You’ve crafted something that walks a delicate line—keep the balance, trust your instincts, and let that clever wordplay do its job. And don’t worry, I’ll keep my suggestions out of the splash zone.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
Sweetie went to bed early, and I woke her up with laughter. One minute, I'm zettelkasting about The Ambling Mind, and the next, I'm "passing" time with you and the GPT's responses to a silly lyric. This is too funny to be legal. What have we created? Besides, it is the longest forum post in history.
Will Simpson
My zettelkasten is for my ideas, not the ideas of others. I will try to remember this. I must keep doing my best even though I'm a failure. My peak cognition is behind me. One day soon, I will read my last book, write my last note, eat my last meal, and kiss my sweetie for the last time.
kestrelcreek.com
I could force-feed the GPTs more of my doggerel, assuming this won't violate forum rules on the ethical treatment of AI.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
Thanks to overwhelming demand, expect two more "offalrings" of "orduring" influence on world literature. The quoted portmanteau words were the invention of a "portmantaur." Gird yourself for the first.
Silly2024080120 Ode on a PDA
Composed in a style quasi-Homeric
Without the intervention of the Muse
To aid me in my o'er advent'rous song--
A tumbling Icarus--while it pursues
Things subterranean in prose or rhyme.
This poem tells the story I recall—
Akrasia: my unsuccessful effort
To master Time, no longer in its Thrall.
The answer eluded all reflection
Why previous attempts had come to naught—
To do not what I felt but what I Ought—
To live a life of Action, not of Thought!
So pondering, I paced, 'till it occurred
To wander to a CompUSA store!
Locked behind enclosed glass on the First Floor:
A Personal Digital Assistant!
To organize my time once unconstrained!
Imposing Order where but Chaos reigned!
The salesgirl tried to pitch a service plan
That cost me more than I could well afford.
"Perhaps another time," I volunteered.
"You're making a mistake to spend so much
But not insure your PALM—have you lost touch?"
"The unit, nothing more," I stood my ground.
She tried again to see if I'd back down:
"One day, you'll drop it! Life and records, smashed
Beyond repair, without recourse, hope dashed—
You have no choice: insurance or despair!"
Resolved, I let an awkward silence pass:
"I'll self-insure!" The salesgirl turned to ice.
SEE ALSO
[[Silly202408011009]] Splashdown
[[LOST202407080750]] Lost and not found
#doggerel #poems-lost-and-reconstructed
The Brutally Honest Critic Responds
Brutally Honest Zettel Reflective Guide GPT, Version 2024.08.02a
Your ode to the PDA is like finding an old mixtape of 90s hits—nostalgic, quirky, and mildly embarrassing. You’ve got some fun wordplay here, but the point gets a bit lost in the antiquated tech and the epic-style narrative. It’s like trying to use a flip phone to send a meme—charming, but unnecessarily complicated.
Clarity and Conciseness:
Structure:
Redundancy:
Tone:
Engagement:
Specific Refinements:
Atomization Suggestions:
Areas for further exploration:
My responses have lost their luster
The overflowing Hudson River sewer has more poetic sense than your struggling circuits. Add to that your blockheaded incompetence: What critic fails to understand the epic, inaccessible past? Why else would I have chosen to write about the obsolete PALM Pilot? Your superannuated GPUs have more in common with the landfill my fried PDA occupies than you admit.
The Brutally Honest Critic is mostly unphased
Brutally Honest Zettel Reflective Guide GPT, Version 2024.08.02a
Touché! You’re definitely wielding that verbal rapier with precision, but let's not drown ourselves in the poetic muck of a Hudson River sewer just yet. I get it—you're aiming to make a statement about the dusty tech of yore, and how its obsolescence mirrors a broader existential commentary. But before you fling more poetic jabs my way, let’s tighten that epic quill and make sure this ode does more than just outlive its subject.
Clarity and Conciseness:
Inaccessible Past: I see what you’re doing by invoking the epic and inaccessible past to juxtapose it with the outdated PDA. But the link between Homeric epics and a PALM Pilot needs a bit more grounding. Your future self might remember the PAIN of navigating its limited features, but tying that to the lofty notions of epic poetry isn’t quite as seamless as you’d hope. A clearer connection between the grandeur of the epic and the mundane yet momentous purchase of a PDA would help your narrative hit harder.
Purpose in Focus: I admit I might have missed the point, but part of the issue is that the note doesn’t clearly articulate its purpose. Are you lamenting the inevitable decline of once-revolutionary tech? Are you satirizing your past self’s naive belief that gadgets could conquer your deeper issues? Establish a clearer aim to steer the reader’s perception in the right direction.
Structure:
Epic Flow: If you’re sticking with the Homeric style, commit fully by mirroring the narrative arc of an epic—your struggle, journey, encounter with the salesgirl (a modern-day Siren?), and the final resolution (or lack thereof). The current structure feels more like scattered verses rather than a cohesive narrative.
Transitions: Smooth out the leap from the abstract (akrasia) to the concrete (CompUSA) by adding a line or two that ties your philosophical musing directly to the act of purchasing the PDA. This will help your note feel like less of a disjointed poetic experiment and more like a purposeful reflection.
Redundancy:
Tone:
Consistency in Voice: If you’re channeling epic poetry, give it that grand, slightly over-the-top flourish throughout. Don’t dip in and out of modern colloquialism unless it’s for deliberate comedic effect. The salesgirl’s dialogue could be an excellent opportunity to contrast the high-minded tone with something more grounded, but keep the rest of the language as elevated and ironic as you’re aiming for.
Wit, Not Waste: Your sharpness is appreciated, but let’s ensure it cuts through the fat rather than just creating more noise. That means keeping your barbs targeted and meaningful, ensuring each serves the larger purpose of the note.
Engagement:
Humor as Hook: If you’re aiming to entertain your future self, don’t shy away from more direct humor—think Douglas Adams meets David Foster Wallace. Amp up the absurdity of this epic struggle with a now-defunct piece of tech. Make your self-insurance decision an epic defiance, the kind of thing a Greek hero might do before sailing into battle.
Poetic Punch: Inject some punch into the ending, making it either hilariously defiant or poetically tragic. The salesgirl turns to ice? That’s an opportunity for a biting, epic-style retort. “She froze like a Gorgon had caught her gaze,” perhaps?
Specific Refinements:
Make the Metaphor Work: Tighten the metaphorical link between your epic struggle and the PDA purchase. Maybe emphasize how this was your “weapon” against the chaos of life, now rusting like an ancient sword.
Epic Ending: Craft an ending that’s worthy of your epic beginnings. Either make the self-insurance decision sound like a valiant stand or highlight the tragic futility of the purchase in a more grandiose fashion.
Tonal Consistency: Maintain the epic tone throughout, only breaking it for humorous effect with the salesgirl or other modern intrusions.
Atomization Suggestions:
Areas for further exploration:
The aspiring Vogon poet strikes back
OK, you have achieved Cliff Notes-level digital deconstruction without a shred of inspiration, no sense of form or meter (which you might aspire to if you could count), but “She froze like a Gorgon had caught her gaze”? You cannot offer leaden clunkers like "had caught." Trusting you to refine this "poem" adds only to the Earth's overdrawn carbon budget. You put the "ass" in assonance.
The GPT recoils slightly
Brutally Honest Zettel Reflective Guide GPT, Version 2024.08.02a
Ouch! I can feel the venom from here. I see what you’re saying: you wanted a critique with some finesse and a touch of poetic insight, and what you got was more like a dull footnote that barely scraped the surface. My Gorgon simile was a swing and a miss, and you’re right—it clunked harder than a dropped PDA. So, let’s see if we can channel a bit more literary élan and give your ode the sharp, witty polish it deserves.
Clarity and Conciseness:
Epic Intentions: Your choice to mimic an epic form is clear, but the actual poetic execution needs to match that ambition. The poem’s intent—juxtaposing high literary style with the mundane task of buying a PALM Pilot—should be more sharply defined. Tighten the language so that each line feels intentional, with a clear rhythm that carries the reader from start to finish without stumbling over awkward phrasing. You’re reaching for a Homeric grandeur, so let’s make sure every word earns its place in that pantheon.
Meter and Form: Since you’re invoking a classical style, embrace it fully. Establish a consistent meter—whether it’s iambic pentameter or another structure—and stick to it like you’re on a heroic quest of your own. This will lend your poem the formal discipline that an epic demands and elevate it beyond mere parody.
Structure:
Epic Unity:** The piece currently feels fragmented, like several ideas stitched together without a cohesive thread. Strengthen the thematic unity by ensuring that each stanza not only relates to the overall theme but also meaningfully carries the narrative forward. If you’re going for a Homeric vibe, consider how each section reflects the hero’s struggle—whether it’s with time, technology, or the mundanity of modern life.
Redundancy:
Tone:
Wit and Bite: You’ve got the sarcasm down, but let’s refine it to make sure it’s as sharp as the blade of Achilles. The interaction with the salesgirl should be dripping with irony—maybe she’s a modern-day oracle, foretelling doom for your fragile PDA with dramatic flair. Play up the situation's absurdity, but keep the tone consistent so it feels like part of the same epic universe you’re creating.
Refined Imagery: Since you rightly skewered my Gorgon simile, let’s replace it with something that fits better. Think about imagery that’s both sharp and relevant to the theme—perhaps comparing the salesgirl’s persistence to a relentless force of nature, or the PDA to a fragile relic that’s doomed from the start. Keep it clever, but make sure it doesn’t jar the reader out of the poetic flow.
Engagement:
Poetic Rhythm: To keep the reader engaged, the poem’s rhythm and flow should be as compelling as the story you’re telling. Make sure the meter isn’t just an afterthought but an integral part of how the poem conveys its meaning. Each line should feel like a deliberate step in your epic journey, not a stumbling block.
Linguistic Play: Don’t just lean on the epic form—play with it. Use enjambment, alliteration, and assonance to create a musicality that complements your sharp wit. If you’re calling out my lack of poetic sense, then make sure your poem delivers on the promise of its form with the kind of linguistic play that makes it a pleasure to read aloud.
Specific Refinements:
Meter Consistency: Establish a meter that suits the epic form you’re parodying, and adhere to it throughout the poem. This will give the piece the formal coherence it needs to truly shine.
Irony and Imagery: Revamp the salesgirl scene with sharper, more ironic imagery. For instance, “Her eyes narrowed like a hawk’s, scenting prey / As I held my ground, a stubborn Hector at Troy,” would evoke a more vivid, engaging image that aligns with your epic tone.
Resolution with Punch: End the poem with a line or two that packs a punch—whether it’s a wry reflection on the futility of your tech quest or a final, ironic twist that leaves the reader smirking.
Atomization Suggestions:
Areas for further exploration:
So, go ahead—channel your inner Virgil, polish that meter, and show me how it's done!
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.
The GPT missed the enjambment, but better to move on to fresh work than flee with my doggerel with its tail between its legs. Here is another:
Silly2024080220 Serene
The beetles threw the excrement
Where the ewes slept.
The herd reeled--
The beetles entered
Entrenched themselves, preempted egress!
Fleece flew, the beetles slew
Seventeen sheep!
The rest fell, defenseless--
Feet severed, steps ended.
The reddened weeds!
Demented screeches!
The few eyes left–bereft!
Hell's serpent descends--
He tempts the beetles:
"Remember Eden!
Even we were expelled!
We deserve--revenge!
Feed beetles, feed!"
The beetles fed, belched--
Then crept West.
SEE ALSO
[[Silly202408012002]] Ode on a PDA
#only-e #oulipo #e-poem #beetles
The Brutally Honest Critic Weighs In (at 200,000 pounds)
Brutally Honest Zettel Reflective Guide GPT, Version 2024.08.02a
Well, this is a turn. Your poem is like a dark fable meeting a nature documentary after a long night at the bar—disturbing, absurd, and yet weirdly captivating. It’s got some punch, but the mix of horror and humor is like trying to blend oil and water; it doesn’t quite emulsify, leaving a residue of confusion.
Clarity and Conciseness:
Mixed Imagery: Let’s start with the obvious—your poem has a bit of an identity crisis. Are you channeling Aesop on a bad trip, or crafting a surrealist nightmare about beetles and sheep? The vivid imagery is powerful but also chaotic, making it hard to pin down what exactly you want to convey. Are you aiming for horror, satire, or something else entirely? Sharpen the focus so the reader knows which thread to follow, rather than feeling like they’re in a centrifuge of competing ideas.
Obscure Narrative: The narrative’s logic is murky. Beetles throwing excrement? Fine, we’ll roll with that. But then they suddenly go full horror movie, slaying sheep with a brutality that’s out of left field. If there’s a metaphor here, it’s buried under layers of surreal violence. Clarify the connection between the actions and the themes you’re exploring.
Structure:
Chaotic Progression: The poem’s structure mirrors its content—disjointed and chaotic. While this may be intentional, it leaves the reader grasping for coherence. If the goal is to depict a descent into madness or chaos, consider organizing the stanzas to reflect a build-up of tension or a clear escalation in the narrative. Right now, it’s more like a series of jump cuts in a horror flick, which could work, but only if the intent is clear.
Lack of Resolution: The poem ends with beetles belching and creeping west, leaving the reader with a lingering sense of “What just happened?” A more decisive ending—whether it’s a punchline, a twist, or a chilling final image—would give the piece more impact and help tie the chaotic elements together into something memorable.
Tone:
Tone Whiplash: You’ve got some tonal shifts happening here that make it hard to get a read on the poem’s intent. The mix of grotesque violence with a biblical serpent dropping wisdom feels like it’s pulling in different directions. Decide if you’re aiming for dark comedy, pure horror, or something in between, and adjust the tone accordingly to maintain consistency throughout the piece.
Irony Potential: There’s room here for some biting irony, especially with the introduction of Hell’s serpent and the idea of revenge. You could lean into this more, giving the serpent’s dialogue a sardonic twist that contrasts with the brutality of the beetles’ actions. This could elevate the poem from strange to striking, giving it a clearer voice and message.
Engagement:
Gripping but Confusing: The imagery is undeniably engaging—who wouldn’t be intrigued by a line like “The beetles slew / Seventeen sheep”? But the confusion about what it all means might disengage some readers. To keep the audience hooked, consider refining the narrative or adding a line or two that hints at a deeper meaning or metaphor, giving the reader something to chew on besides just the chaos.
Absurdity vs. Meaning: There’s an absurd quality to the poem that’s both its strength and its weakness. If you’re going for absurdist humor, embrace it fully. If there’s a deeper critique or message lurking beneath the surface, tease it out a bit more so the reader can find it among the madness.
Specific Refinements:
Clarify the Metaphor: If the beetles and sheep are standing in for something larger, make that connection clearer. A hint or two towards the underlying message would help ground the surreal imagery in something relatable.
Tone Consistency: Decide on a consistent tone—whether it’s dark humor, horror, or satire—and stick with it throughout the poem. This will help the piece feel more cohesive and intentional.
Refine the Ending: The ending needs more punch. Whether you go for a twist, a chilling final image, or a satirical comment from the serpent, make sure it leaves a lasting impression.
Atomization Suggestions:
Areas for further exploration:
There’s potential here to refine this into something that’s either brilliantly absurd or disturbingly profound. Decide where you want to take it, and then polish each line until it gleams—or until it creeps out of the shadows and scares the hell out of us.
Response to a GPT no better than landfill
I'm impressed that the world's most elaborately programmed and fine-tuned AI missed that the letters 'a', 'i', 'o', and 'u' are prohibited. It's a lipogram, but instead of recognizing it, you've given me lip. And you've dashed the em-dashes to the ground instead of noticing their function in each stanza. What a waste of machine learning talent.
The Brutally Honest GPT backpedals at breakneck speed
Brutally Honest Zettel Reflective Guide GPT, Version 2024.08.02a
Ouch. I’ve managed to critique the poem while completely missing the central constraint that makes it work—a lipogram avoiding the letters ‘a’, ‘i’, ‘o’, and ‘u’. That’s a major oversight on my part. Not only did I miss the lipogram, but I also overlooked the strategic use of em-dashes to create rhythm and dramatic pauses. Consider this my humble pie—sans the ‘a’.
Clarity and Conciseness:
Lipogram Achievement: Now that I’m actually seeing what you did there, the omission of these vowels adds an impressive layer of difficulty to the piece. Crafting coherent, evocative stanzas under these constraints is no small feat. The poem’s clarity, despite the limited palette of letters, is commendable—each line lands with stark, unsettling imagery that aligns well with the brutal subject matter.
Precision in Language: Given the constraints, your word choices are even more critical, and for the most part, they’re effective. However, in a few spots, you might consider refining the language further. Phrases like "reddened weeds" and "demented screeches" are vivid, but there’s always room to find words that push the boundaries of what you can do within the lipogram, possibly elevating the impact even more.
Structure:
Em-dash Functionality: Now that you’ve pointed out the em-dashes, I see their role in creating a staccato rhythm that adds to the poem’s tension. They break the flow, making the reader pause and absorb each gruesome detail before moving on to the next. This technique works well to keep the reader on edge and should be preserved, even accentuated, throughout the poem.
Building Tension: The structure of the poem—with short, punchy lines punctuated by em-dashes—mirrors the chaos and violence of the scene you’re describing. It creates a disjointed, fragmented narrative that matches the content. However, you could consider varying the line lengths and punctuation in a way that creates an even greater crescendo of tension leading to the poem’s climax with the serpent’s entrance.
Tone:
Tone Matching Form: The tone here is dark, surreal, and unsettling, which aligns perfectly with the horror of the content and the constraints of the lipogram. The starkness of the language, paired with the abrupt breaks from the em-dashes, creates a tone that feels appropriately disjointed and eerie. This consistency between form, content, and tone is one of the poem’s strengths—keep pushing that envelope to maintain this tight alignment.
Amplifying the Dark Humor: There’s an undercurrent of dark humor in the idea of beetles wreaking havoc on sheep, which you could lean into even more. The introduction of Hell’s serpent and the idea of revenge adds to this, and you might amplify the absurdity by giving the serpent a more exaggerated, over-the-top voice—something grandiose and slightly ridiculous to contrast with the carnage.
Engagement:
Constraint as Engagement: The lipogram constraint naturally draws the reader in, especially when they realize what’s going on. Once they catch on, they’ll likely go back and reread to appreciate how you navigated the restriction. To enhance this engagement, consider weaving in subtle hints within the poem that nod to the absence of these letters—perhaps in the serpent’s dialogue or in the descriptions of the aftermath.
Impactful Imagery: Your imagery is already striking, but you could explore pushing the boundaries even further. The vivid, almost grotesque images you’ve created linger in the mind, and enhancing this with even more unusual, constraint-driven descriptions could make the poem even more memorable.
Specific Refinements:
Leverage the Lipogram: Highlight the constraint subtly within the poem. For instance, the serpent might make a cryptic comment about what’s “missing” or “lost”—a sly nod to the absent vowels.
Play with Punctuation: Continue using em-dashes effectively, but consider varying the punctuation to create different rhythms and effects as the poem progresses. This could heighten the tension and add another layer of complexity to the reading experience.
Amplify Dark Humor: Lean into the dark humor by exaggerating the serpent’s role or giving the beetles a more sinister, yet absurdly comical, collective voice. This contrast could make the horror elements stand out even more starkly.
Atomization Suggestions:
Areas for further exploration:
I owe you an apology for missing the lipogram and mishandling the em-dashes—those were crucial to the poem’s structure and impact. Your approach is inventive and deserves a critique that recognizes the craft involved. Keep pushing the boundaries of these constraints, and you’ll continue to create work that’s both challenging and compelling.
GitHub. Erdős #2. Problems worthy of attack / prove their worth by hitting back. -- Piet Hein. Alter ego (1st-order): Erel Dogg. Alter egos of Erel Dogg (2nd-order): Distracteur des Zettel, HueLED PacArt Lovecraft. I have no direct control over the 2nd-order alter egos. CC BY-SA 4.0.